I’ve been busy with other projects this week and got so involved in them I forgot to break away and flog some writing.
But I continued to read a ton. I download BookBub novels for critiquing, and often read more of them. I have found keepers, authors who entertain me, and I track down more of their work and read it.
Reading the work of self-publishing writers has its hazards, though, primarily because they haven’t been edited. And I run into crippling narrative flaws.
Today I want to share a couple of examples with you. They are from The Shaman’s Secret. Here’s the passage that kicked off this post. A lawman is working to gather information and meets with a man who might know something. After the lawman arrives, greetings happen, we are introduced to the new character with too much description and backstory, and then this happens when the lawman, Rivera, asks . . .
“Did you hear about the shooting out in the Big Triangle yesterday?”
A legitimate question, don't you think? But, instead of answering it and continuing with actual story, the other character says:
“Wait, before you start, let me get us some coffee. I’ve got a pot brewing in the kitchen and I know how you are about coffee.”
“You read my mind.” Rivera had wanted coffee since he’d entered the house and his nostrils picked up the aroma.
Carey returned with two mugs full of steaming coffee. He handed one to Rivera and sat down.
“Of course I heard about the shooting, Manny. This is a small town.”
ARGH! Rather than getting on with the story, the writer actually stops all momentum by saying "Wait." Then coffee is served. 63 words wasted. Three paragraphs that matter not at all. Does the author think he’s adding characterization by this coffee ritual? No, practically everyone drinks coffee.
Will the coffee impact the scene or the story? No, not a whit. It’s just words that take up space. And time. And tension.
Speaking of just taking up space, here’s a passage from a little earlier when the lawman is learning about tracking devices.
Rivera wanted to ask a question about the handheld transceivers but Baxter kept talking.
“The technology is so cool. The collars send out pulse code modulated signals on an FM carrier...”
Singleton interrupted again. “Just a second, Charlie. Do you have a question, Deputy Rivera?”
So narrative is devoted to a character saying something that doesn’t matter. That doesn’t move the story forward. Why on earth would you spend words and valuable narrative to have a character take up time and words spewing stuff that doesn’t matter and has the story itself acknowledging that it is useless?
I won’t be reading any further in this novel. But it did serve to illustrate, one more time, the need self-publishing authors have for an editor.
For what it’s worth,
Ray
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.