Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is the first chapter of Rafferty’s Rules: A Rafferty P.I. Mystery. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
Excerpt from a statement dated June 11, 1970, by Mrs Wilma Tunney, age 53, of 1123 Oakdale Lane, Richardson, Texas.
… and he pointed a gun at me and said he wanted the money from the cash register. I should have given it to him, but for some reason—I don't know what I was thinking—I slammed the cash drawer shut, pulled out the key, and tossed it back into the kitchen. Through the food service port over there. And I screamed. Did I ever scream! Phil—he's the day manager—said that was dumb. I guess he was right. The guy might've shot me. Instead, he …
Excerpt from a statement dated June 11, 1970, by Mrs Jeanne Philmott, age 31, of 5849 Gaston Avenue, Dallas, Texas.
… my Gina’s tenth birthday, so I took her and four of her friends out for hamburgers. While we were waiting for the food, the Mollison girl— Vivian — excused herself to go to the bathroom. Vivian is such a polite little girl. I wish my Gina had nice manners like that.
After Vivian left the table, I heard a scream. That short woman was over by the cash register. She had her hand over her mouth, like she had said something she shouldn't have.
There was a very tall, very thin man by the cash register, too. He had on dirty jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. And he had an odd gun. It sounds silly, I guess, but it looked like a pirate gun.
You can turn the page and read more here. This book received 4.3 stars on Amazon. I liked this different way of opening the story. The quotes from interviews give it verisimilitude, a sense that this really happened. And good story questions are raised right away, primarily “What’s going to happen next?” I think there’s tension in wondering about the fate of the girl who went to the bathroom and will likely be in danger. I’ll read more. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
Title and author are nice and strong, but what the heck is that image? After study, it seems to be a bearded guy smoking a pipe. What’s up with that? The title alone would have been more effective for me than an undecipherable photo. What do you think?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.