Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is the first chapter of The Midnight Caller. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
Joseph McConnell, "Jo Jo" to his friends, left the meeting thinking that the right thing to do was to go to the FBI. But they weren't his first choice. His first choice would have been to go to the NCIS. But how could he do that?
He did not know who to trust. The NCIS was risky. Homeland Security would be monitored. And the FBI?
He just didn't know. He needed time to think.
McConnell was a retired military officer himself. He had not retired with the highest rank for a man his age, but high enough. He was satisfied. Having low ambitions helped.
Never had he been anyone important. Nor had he ever aspired to be. He was happy in his former position. He had been satisfied with his accomplishments in the shadow of greater men.
There was nothing to be ashamed of. In the same breath, he also had nothing to be proud of either. Not really. He lived a mediocre life because he was a mediocre man.
At best, he deserved honorable mentions only for participation, not anything more.
Today, he lived a nice little life in the suburbs outside of Norfolk, Virginia, a well-established neighborhood called Brampton Heights, with sprawling sections of trees, surrounding a mid-level golf course. It was quite the place to retire. Mostly, he had been able to retire there not because of his accomplishments in the Navy, but rather for his silence. He knew things, dark things. And he had been (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. This book received 4.6 stars on Amazon. The writing is okay, though for me too much time is spent on description. As a result, this first page doesn’t have a story question or much in the way of tension.
It could have, though. Cut some of that description (of a guy who’s soon going to be dead) and you could gotten this on the first page:
The thing he knew now that he had learned today was too much, even for him. It was a secret that he couldn't keep.
That raises a story question and suggests serious stakes. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
Title, subtitle, and author name are all handled well. But the visual? A man crossing a street? I don’t see a clue as to genre or story. I think this could have been done better. What do you think?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.