Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of chapter 1 for <em>Bad Games</em>, part of a free trilogy. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
Patrick was fairly certain the white Pontiac was following them. Nothing to be too alarmed about on a country road with few detours, but still, he had that feeling.
When the Pontiac passed his silver Highlander at the first sign of a dotted lane, Patrick looked left. The driver looked back—longer than necessary.
Asshole.
And yet, a few miles later, it was the same white Pontiac that made Patrick stop for gas. Had the car not been parked next to one of the pumps at the battered station, Patrick would have driven past without even tapping the brakes. The place looked barren.
Will there be a confrontation with this guy if I stop?
Nah. There were no horns honked. No middle fingers given. Not even a tough-guy scowl during the long glance. The man simply passed him on a country road—and Patrick had been driving slowly. Alone, his right foot was usually a lead boot on the accelerator, but with his family in the car, Patrick was an old man behind the wheel. Besides, they needed gas. Who knew when they’d come upon another station out here?
He turned in and took the only other pump in front of the Pontiac. The metal tank was a beaten rectangle. It offered two grades: REGUL R and PR MIUM—vowels, Patrick mused, apparently being the preferred meal of the elements around here. He chose PR MIUM and began (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes:
This collection received 4.4 stars on Amazon. Unlike too many self-published novels, the writing is clear and effective. The voice is fine, and the scene is set well enough. The final element needed for a successful opening page is tension.
So a guy exchanges looks and nothing more with another driver. No consequences. It may be that the author is counting on us readers being trained to suspect the most innocuous of circumstances . . . but is that good enough? I don’t think so. There are no story questions raised here, and no clear conflict or issues that need to be dealt with.
I learned from the reviews that this is supposed to be horror/psychological suspense. For me, neither was signaled by this opening page. I read on, and the protagonist faces no problems in the opening chapter—the creepy part stars with chapter 2, way too late for me. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
The title works well and signals the suspense that ought to be inside. Once again, though, the author name fails to have the attention-getting stature it needs to help create a brand.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.