Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of chapter 1 for Rituals of the Dead. A poll and the opening page of the first chapter follow. Should this author have hired an editor?
“Dip, scoop, pour. Dip, scoop, pour. Dip, scoop, pour.” Nick Mayfield’s dried lips cracked open as he repeated his mantra. Just a few more inches, then she’ll float as the survival guide had explained. He leaned against the t-shirt and bits of plank filling the gashes in the sides of the canoe, willing the stream of seawater to stop pouring in faster than he could scoop it out.
The sun was slowly descending, growing in size as it neared the horizon. Bands of pink and orange streaked across the sky, intensifying in color by the second. The new moon was barely a sliver. In an hour’s time, he would be plunged into darkness.
Nick squinted to orient himself, thankful he could see an emerald belt of jungle rising in the distance. He must be in Flamingo Bay, he reckoned, and not too far from land. Still, the expanse of blue-green water between him and the shore was vast. A strong wind tried to push him seabound. Only the weight of the water and a few crates of barter goods still filling its hull kept the canoe in sight of land. Nick sighed. He was in for a long paddle back once his boat was seaworthy again.
Nick stopped scooping to reposition the jeans tied to his head, arranging the legs so that they covered most of his sunburned back. His thoughts turned to the eight rowers who had jumped overboard hours ago. Had they already made it to shore? Nick wondered for the hundredth time if he should have abandoned ship and swum back with them. Though his faith in (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here.
This received 4.4 stars on Amazon. Good writing and good voice foreshadow good writing ahead. And the storytelling should be good, too—this opening has a sympathetic character in trouble, and he’s already working to get out of it. Since this is supposed to be a mystery, it would have been nice to get a hint of that, but even so this works pretty well. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
One of the jobs of a good cover design is to hint at the content, even raise a story question if it can. For me, the sunset scene fails to evoke mystery. Without a subtitle to tell you that this is a mystery, there’s no clue. The title font is at least eye-catching—but it doesn’t seem to radiate “mystery” either. Not a terrific cover despite the beautiful art.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.