Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of an historical paranormal novel, Ghotsts of Tsavo. A poll and the opening page of the first chapter follow. Should this author have hired an editor?
It’s an uncommonly known fact that a strong pot of tea will obscure a werewolf’s stench. Given that one doesn’t normally walk around with a teapot in hand, this fact will be of little comfort to a human unless she happens to be sitting in a teahouse.
So it was a jolly good thing I was, at that moment, in a teahouse.
I slurped down that most marvelous of beverages and eyed the suspected werewolf. I say ‘suspected’ since I had yet to confirm if she was in fact one, or simply a naturally hairy woman of dubious lineage.
In either case, she really should never wear that red dress again as it did nothing to cover her horrendously hairy arms. The only fortunate aspect of the outfit was the color, as it matched the heavy velvet curtains framing the large, street-facing window perfectly. Thus I entertained myself while wondering what to do next.
I tried squinting my eyes to study her energy field, but again discovered the same result: very little. That in itself was unusual as I was normally able to observe a fair bit in any energy field I wished to study. But in this case and without my multi-layered glasses—left at home in the rush to follow my quarry—I could discern very little.
Generally speaking, I don’t study people’s energy; for a start, it’s rude to squint and stare at a person (unless required to do so for work or self-preservation), and quite frankly, I’d prefer (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This received 4 stars on Amazon. The playful voice and narrative of this opening page promise fun ahead. The writing is clean—though I would have deleted “my eyes” after “squinting”—what other part of one’s anatomy with which does one squint? There is implied jeopardy due to our residual understanding that werewolves are bad creatures who bite and kill, so there’s tension in the question of whether or not the woman in red is a werewolf and what our hero will do. Entertaining. I read forward. Your thoughts?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.