Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of the first chapter of When Justice Calls. A poll and the opening page of the first chapter follow. Should this author have hired an editor?
"Rosita, wake up. Sister Marta is coming." Amalia Rouca shook her older sister gently. The two lay together on a single mattress within the pantry of the parish food kitchen.
"Go back to sleep, Ama," Rosita whispered in Spanish, pushing her sister back with a shoulder. "It’s too early."
Ama pulled her knee up to her chest, placed a foot into Rosita's back, and pushed her from the bed. "No. Sister Marta said we had to get up before everyone else if we wanted to sleep here."
Rosita groaned. Light streamed into the room as the pantry door opened. The staunch figure of an aged nun stood silhouetted by kitchen lights.
"Rise and shine, my quiet little urchins." Sister Marta's voice cracked as she spoke.
"Yes, ma'am," Amalia answered quickly. "We were just getting up."
"You're both filthy," the sister observed as the girls scrambled to their feet. Brushing past them, she grabbed for the small bag that held the girls’ only worldly possessions. "We'll run wash and get you cleaned up after we prepare the breakfast."
Amalia knit her brows in confusion as Rosita lunged for the bag the nun had grabbed. "That's mine," Rosita exclaimed as Sister Marta yanked it from her grasp.
"Father Timothy reported that a few items had gone missing in the narthex," Sister Marta (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This received 4.8 stars on Amazon. A nice, immediate scene opens this story, something is happening. Two child characters are quickly introduced, and they are sympathetic, sleeping in a pantry. Also quickly, jeopardy arrives when the num picks up the bag. It seems clear the stolen items are in the bag and the child is the culprit. Strong story question raised right away. It was enough for me. Your thoughts?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy (satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.