Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of the first chapter of Dead Eye. A poll and the opening page of the first chapter follow. Should this author have hired an editor?
A tiger, an alligator, and a redneck walked into my pawnshop. I sighed when I realized my life had devolved into the opening line of a tired joke, but I was awfully glad to see the tiger. Maybe now we could finally get things straightened out.
And to be fair, the alligator didn’t exactly walk, so much as it rolled in on a cart. It had been the unfortunate victim of some really bad taxidermy, and stared out at the world from two mismatched eyes, its mouth open in a half-hearted attempt at ferocity or, more likely, indignation about the sparkly pink scarf wrapped around its neck. It had been wearing a blue plaid scarf the last time I’d seen it. Apparently even stuffed alligators had better wardrobes than I did.
The redneck, lean and wiry in a desert-camo t-shirt and baggy khaki pants, shuffled in sort of sideways, pushing the rolling cart and casting frequent wary glances back over his shoulder at the tiger.
Jack Shepherd was the tiger, and he had nothing at all to do with the redneck or the alligator. The pawnshop, however, was a different story. The pawnshop, according to the will my late boss—Jack’s uncle Jeremiah—had left in the top drawer of his ancient desk, now belonged to Jack.
At least, fifty percent of it did. The other half was mine. I was still trying not to feel guilty about that.
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This received 4.6 stars on Amazon. I’ve read more than one literary agent talk about how important voice is to how they assess the sample you send. The stronger and more unique the voice, the more likely to snare a read.
This opening page is very well written, professional, and the voice promises a lot of fun ahead. There’s implied conflict with the half-owner of the shop showing up and the protagonist thinking about getting things straightened out, which implies a problem. While the story questions are not strong, the voice is, and the world is promising—why does she think of Jack as a tiger? You’ll find out soon. I turned this page just to enjoy more of the narrative. Your thoughts?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy (satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.