Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Kathy sends the first chapter of what I think is a dystopian novel—didn’t get the title. The rest of the chapter follows the break.
I killed my best friend this morning at dawn—if killing is putting a pillow over a person’s face until he stops breathing then this is what I did.
It is only now I write the words on the page that it sinks in I have committed a murder. A crime. Not so very long ago a police detective would’ve been knocking on my door asking questions, requesting an autopsy, and I would’ve been led away in handcuffs. I almost find the fact that isn’t going to happen more shocking than what I did. I am sorry to have to tell you I am capable of murder. But I want you to have some background, some history—although that is such a dry word—and Christopher’s death seems as good a point as any to start.
If he hadn’t been unconscious I could never have done it, though he begged me enough to do so before his mind began to wander. I am not heartless, only practical in the company of the hooded man with the sickle, who had waited on the sidelines for days. And how do you like your blue-eyed boy Mister Death?
Practical because I used a pillow.
His being comatose helped, but only a little, because I still feel—
I can’t describe how I feel. Awful seems too small a word, too meagre an offering. He was everything to me. Everything. My beginning, my middle and my end. My sunrise and (snip)
This is one of those openings that, for me, succeeds even though it doesn’t conform to my guidelines for a first page, proving once again that, in fiction, there are no rules. I have noticed that openings that do manage to do this and earn a page-turn are often in first person. A strong voice can trump missing elements that are ordinarily needed.
For example, setting the scene. By implication, we understand that this is likely indoors, in a place where there can be paper and pencil and probably a table or surface to write on. A room of some kind. And, for the purposes of this opening, that seems to be enough. More of the physical world is revealed later, and the story questions that I see are strong enough to let things unfold at their own pace.
This starts out with a very strong hook, and then the voice draws us in. Story questions arise, some obvious, some less so. We have a hint of why she (I think it’s a she, and that seems to be the case as revealed later) did the deed, but not complete info. It seems to be a mercy killing, and that separates it from actual murder, I think. Although she does feel badly, guilty in a way, but justified. Other questions about this world rise. Why are detectives investigating a death a thing of the past? And there’s a good “what happens to this person next” story question, too. I turned the page. Your thoughts?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2018 Ray Rhamey, chapter © 2018 by Kathy.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy (satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.
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