Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here’s the entire prologue (just 15 lines) of Sanctuary: A Kate Redmond Mystery. Would you read on? How does it perform? Should this author have hired an editor?
The sun glittered on the sea, its beams penetrating the translucent blue waters as they broke upon the shore to touch the firm-packed sand below. Waves frilled with white foam hissed and sighed on the beach. They reached up to touch the larger pebbles, the driftwood and the drying seaweed before withdrawing back into the ocean, leaving the uncovered sand wet and gleaming for a second before the water sank away.
The body lay face downwards, arms lax and loose. An observer from the clifftop path, up above the beach, might have supposed the man to be an early morning sunbather, except sunbathers did not usually lie with their faces buried in the wet sand, and they were not usually clothed in ragged jeans and faded black T-shirts. If this hypothetical observer had descended the path onto the beach, and clashed and rattled over the pebbles before gaining the firmer ground of the sand, they would have seen the greyness of the exposed skin of the arms and the curious crab perched on one loosely-curled hand.
But there was no observer there that morning. There was no one on the beach at all, save for a crowd of seagulls wheeling overhead. The waves receded further as the tide went out, leaving the sad remains of what had once been a person lying alone, flung upon the sand like a piece of detritus discarded by the merciless sea.
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This mystery earned an outstanding 4.9 stars on Amazon. This prologue serves up what a good mystery should, a body on the first page, which leads to the natural story question: whodunit? But this author shows us that we’re in good, professional hands that should be able to really deliver a story through the quality of the writing. She creates a strong sense of mood in addition to describing a body. So, feeling that I could trust this writer and wanting to know what happened, I turned the page. What do you think?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.