Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Ann sends the opening chapter of a memoir, Outlasting Angie: Forty Years with My Brain Tumor. The first 17 lines follow, then a poll. The rest of the narrative follows my notes because there’s not much left. This is a rewrite of an opening that Ann submitted last December. It's here if you're curious.
Angie was with me forty years. I was who I was my whole life because of her.
I experienced everything, birth to one month before my forty-first birthday, through a lens that included Angie. I simply didn’t know it, all but four months of that time. Toddlerhood memories escape me, yet Angie, we now know, was there. Grade and high school memories; it’s clear to see, on reflection, Angie was there. Through college and into my career; yes, Angie was there. Always.
Angie traveled with me, as far north as the Arctic Circle one time; into the Egyptian desert another. Angie often spoiled good times with family and friends, forcing me to cancel plans to deal with her. I woke with Angie every morning. Fell asleep with her every night. Her presence constant. Her threats intensifying.
Angie demanded we pay attention, scattering evidence over decades, yet my family and I misread signs. Chased answers down the wrong rabbit holes. We knew something wasn’t right, we just didn’t know it—her—by name.
Naming someone or something confers meaning. A way to relate, to begin to understand who or what is before us. Sometimes, what is in us. Naming demands acknowledgement. My family and I, over a summer and into an autumn, finally called Angie by a name. What had been nameless and as a result misunderstood (snip)
First of all, this opening gives us a strong, confident, professional voice. Immediately, this narrator seems like someone we can trust to deliver a good story. And a memoir should, IMO, be a story.
What about story questions? For me, they are there. First is who and what is this omnipresent Angie that has had such a profound effect on the narrator’s life? And there’s a clear promise of jeopardy for the narrator: “Her threats intensifying.”
Even though this chapter is so very short, I would give thought to editing down the narrative about naming and, perhaps elsewhere, to get the paragraph below that starts with “Angie, my tumor” moved to the first page. Maybe the thoughts about naming could follow the introduction of what Angie is. But I don’t think this manipulation is totally necessary and that the page is strong enough as it is. But it wouldn’t hurt to look at ways to tweak it. Nice work. I sure want to read more. Your thoughts?
Continued:
. . . for a lifetime haunted us more in those four months than the previous forty years.
Angie, my tumor, a cavernous angioma that was bleeding in my brain, shaped who I’d been all my life.
Depending on what happened after they cut her from me, also who I’d be.
Ray
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2018 Ray Rhamey, prologue and chapter © 2018 by Ann.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy (satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.