Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here’s the prologue of a mystery, A Hidden Fire. Would you read on? How does it perform? Should this author have hired an editor?
The man stole down the hallway, his footsteps echoing in the dimly lit basement of the library. He made his way quietly, brushing aside the dark hair that fell into his eyes as he looked down. The security guard turned the corner and approached, his eyes drawn to the tall figure that glided toward him.
“Sir?”
The guard cocked his head, trying to see past the hair covering the man’s eyes as he neared him in the flickering service lights.
“Sir, are you looking for the lobby? You’re really not supposed to be down here.”
He did not speak but continued walking directly toward the portly security guard. As he passed the guard, he held out his hand, silently brushing his finger tips along the guard’s forearm before he continued down the hall, around the corner, and up the nearest staircase, never halting in his steady pace.
The guard stilled for a moment before shaking his head. He looked around the passage and wondered why he was in the hallway leading toward the old storage rooms. Checking his watch to see if his break was over, he noticed the second hand seemed to have stopped. He shook his wrist slightly before taking it off and putting it in his pocket.
“Stupid, cheap thing,” he muttered as he turned and headed back toward the break room.
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This “elemental” mystery earned 4.4 stars on Amazon. The blurb tells you that there’s a paranormal element in this story, and I think the first page does a nice job of slipping that aspect in without hitting you over the head. We’re in omniscient viewpoint, but that may be okay if it’s the antagonist we’re seeing here. The touch on the arm and the effect on the guard raises good story questions about “the man.” So does the fact that he seems to be sneaking into a place he isn’t supposed to be. Combine that with the way he affected the guard and there are story questions enough for me to turn the page.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.