Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is all of the first chapter of a legal thriller, 30 Days of Justis. Would you read on? How does it perform? Should this author have hired an editor?
Dear Mister Grezam:
I need Justis. They got me in Spokane jail. Now they told a lies and say I killed a man. Please help me. It’s first degree murder, they say.
Sincerely, Cache Evans.
Oh, almost forget. Millicent is my mom.
I am your daughter.
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This mystery earned 4.6 stars on Amazon. I don’t know about you, but there’s no way I could resist turning that page. So many juicy story questions and a unique voice (due to sharp writing) were irresistible. Of course, I did turn the page, and here are the first 17 lines of the second chapter in case you’re curious. The strong writing and voice continue, IMO:
I'm guessing the letter found me thanks to a bit of research by someone at the jail—maybe a counselor, maybe a priest.
Whatever; the letter has hunted me down. It came to my office here in Washington D.C. I work for the U.S. Attorney. My current assignment is the prosecution of terrorists. I work out of a secluded office, and I'm guarded 24/7 by the U.S. Marshal's service. For this letter to have found me, squirreled away beyond the Washington Beltway, is a minor miracle. But here it is, centered among the piles of legal files covering my desk in my wood-paneled, windowless office. There it remains for hours.
Lunch comes and goes. By chance, I notice the letter again. So I pull it out of the envelope and re-read.
Letters like it are common. Prisoners across the country are desperate for someone to save them. This letter in the small, white envelope with its upside-down stamps looks to me like one more eleventh-hour cry for help by someone who figures she is somehow related to me. Or has a special bond with me because she read about me, or whatever.
So, I instinctively back off. It isn't the first time someone has tried to draw me in with a "lost-child" scheme. Now here we are again. A new daughter? I don't think so. I try to imagine where this young woman came from as I read it yet again. But this time I am struck by one (snip)
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.