Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 lines of the first chapter of Alive and Killing. Would you read on? How does it perform? Should this author have hired an editor?
“My dad and I used to hike up there a lot. I love it up there ...”
And there was number four.
Wolf went back to blocking out the drone of the greasy-headed underachiever in front of him and stared up at a spider web in the corner of the ceiling. It was high up, gently swaying on the breeze of the air-conditioner vent. Too high to stretch up and swipe it away, even with Wolf’s six-foot-three reach.
At least Wolf liked that about his new office. The politics? The fact that he had to be interviewing this candidate? Those were things he didn’t like about his new position, which had put him in this new office. But the ceilings? He loved the airy and light feel of the tall space.
He could probably scoot a chair underneath it and get at it. Wolf blew a puff of air out of his nose as he realized how much thought he was putting into the whole thing.
“Sheriff Wolf?”
Wolf snapped back to attention and looked at the interviewee.
He was smiling at Wolf, like he wanted in on the joke. He looked to the corner of the ceiling. “Whoa, got a doozy of a web up there. Don’t they clean this place?” He laughed too loud and sat back with one arm hooked to the back of the chair. Then he wiped his nose with a sniff and crossed his leg, displaying a smudge of dirt on the knee of his jeans. The sudden movement (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This crime novel earned 4.5 stars on Amazon. The writing and voice are strong and accomplished. We’re immediately in the experiences of a likeable character, the sheriff. But what of tension? Story questions? I don’t see any at all. If voice and solid writing are all you need to turn a first page, then this one is for you. For this reader, I wasn’t motivated. You wonder how come it garnered an average of 4.5 in reviews. There must be a story there, but this wouldn’t get me involved in it.
The blurb for this book promised a much different story than the first page does. Here’s part of it from the Amazon page:
Just for a day, Colorado Sheriff David Wolf trades slogging through murky meltwaters and even murkier small-town politics for an overnight camping trip in the wilderness with his son.But when a man with fresh burns turns up on their trail, falling from the heavy load in his backpack and running wild from something, Wolf suspects his father-son camping trip may have just taken a turn for the worse.
Unfortunately his instincts are spot on, and Wolf is forced into action with the last person he wants by his side in a deadly battle — his only son.
Now that’s a story I’m interested in reading. So, should this writer have hired an editor?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.