Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 lines of the prologue of Killing Season. Would you read on? Should this author have hired an editor?
The Jeep scuttled up the hill, tires slipping a little in the mud. The rain and runoff had washed out the dirt trail here, baring a mix of rocks and a reddish layer of clay that lay beneath the topsoil — a craggy wound slit into the earth.
His whole body rattled along with the bumps, hands strangling the steering wheel as if gripping it hard enough could steady the vehicle, help it find traction.
He hit the steepest section, the windshield pitching to point him straight into a lifeless gray sky. A dead swirl of clouds above. The heavens totally without shape.
And then everything evened out again. The Jeep reached the flat ground of the hilltop, and it was over. He was there.
He killed the engine and sat a moment.
His skin sheened. Glistened. The surface of his arms and face moist from the heat inside.
It didn’t feel real.
All of the planning. All of the hours of fantasy and frustration. All of his will channeled into this.
One moment. One time and place to make his mark.
It almost felt like going into battle.
He lowered himself from the vehicle, careful to avoid the mud. Though the rain had died (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This crime story earned 4.8 stars on Amazon. The writing is good, the voice fine. But what happens here? A man drives a Jeep up a hill and parks on top. Not much there to grab me.
There is tension in the character, but not in the now of the story. This guy, in fact, is on that hilltop with a rifle. He’s a sniper about to shoot innocent people. But this page, all mood and setup, doesn’t’ bring any of that tension into play. Were I this author, I’d ditch the sheeny skin and trade that for the gleam of weak sunlight on the barrel of his sniper rifle. That would take me further, but not this page. What do you think?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.