Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 lines of the first chapter of Spinward Fringe Origins, science fiction, a trilogy. Would you read on? Should this author have hired an editor?
The odds weren’t in our favour. They rarely were, but this time it was different. The stakes were higher. As I drifted through the silence of space in my Raze Starfighter, I got a shiver. All systems were deactivated, including life support. Our wing was hiding behind thousands of meteors we had stirred up and directed at a nearby gas giant.
There were one hundred of us this time, all set up in fighters, bombers, and shuttles, each assigned to a task group. In times like these, everyone’s performance was critical. Signal silence had to be observed. Only my low-power personal computer was on, and it was set to passive mode, only receiving signals. My suit’s shielding prevented it, and my life signs from being detectected at a distance.
People were watching, machines were scanning carefully for anything in the field that could be something other than rock. It was hard to stir up so much mass and send it close to the munitions station. If one of us were scanned because we were just a little out of place, all that work would be for nothing.
I looked towards our target through the cockpit and barely caught a glimpse. It was massive, two wheels surrounding a tall centrepiece hanging in orbit around a gargantuan blue and purple gas giant. The station looked small even though it was over a hundred kilometres across with fighter bays, drone launch tubes, dozens of point defence turrets, and missile (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This offering averaged 4.2 out of 5 stars on Amazon. I like science fiction, and getting a full trilogy for free is hard to resist. The question is, is the first page irresistible? Let’s consider.
A battle is coming up, so there is conflict in the near future. The stakes are life or death. So far, so good. There are strong story questions. The writing is okay—lots of telling going on in setup exposition, though the information is definitely interesting.
But then there’s that typo, “detectected.” To me, this foreshadows more sloppy editing and writing. If the opening page was truly a rip-snorting, dangerous plunge into jeopardy that gripped my imagination, I might have forgiven that. But this narrator is pretty cool, there’s not a lot of reason to be emotionally involved with him. If he kissed a photo of a loved one he is protecting to say goodbye, maybe then . . . But no, that doesn’t happen. I pass. Your thoughts?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.