One of the things that triggers a “not good” signal when I edit a novel is the presence of what are called filters. In Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling, I identify two kinds of filters: action filters and body-part filters.
I came across a good article in The Writer by Jacqueline Hesse on this topic that’s worth reading, even as brief as it is. I don’t think we can ever be too aware of what our words do and don’t do.
She quotes author Janet Burroway from Writing Fiction:
“Yet when you . . . ask readers . . . to look at rather than through the character– you start to tell-not-show and rip us briefly out of the scene.”
Ripping a reader out of a scene, even briefly, works to destroy the fictive dream that you’ve worked so hard to immerse her in. Hesse includes a list of filters to search for in your manuscript:
Saw, smelled, heard, thought, knew, touched, wondered, realized, noticed, watched, looked, seemed, felt, decided, remembered and reminded
Body-part filters: The examples above are, basically, what I call action filters (thinking is an action, right?). But there’s another kind of filter to watch out for, body-part filters. By that I mean using a body part rather than the character to do or experience what happens. Examples:
Filtered: His fingertips caressed her face.
Immersed: He caressed her face with his fingertips.
In the first example, your mind’s eye focuses on fingers and perhaps a cheek. In the second, you focus on the person giving the caress, perhaps seeing a tender expression on his face as he does, or a look pf pleasure on hers. Another example from my book:
Filtered: His elbow smashed into the monster’s face.
Immersed: He smashed his elbow into the monster’s face.
In the second example, you’re with the hero in fighting the monster. In the first, you’re observing an elbow in action. Not even a close second in effectiveness.
Hesse also explores situations where filters are a good idea, and also looks at a way to avoid them altogether by writing from a character’s point of view. Take a look.
And it might be a good idea to use that list of filter words (the list in my book is a little different and includes a few other filter words) and search for them in your fiction. I can't think of a way to search for body-part filters, but keep your eye out for them.
For what it’s worth.
Ray
© 2017 Ray Rhamey
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy (satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.