Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 lines of the prologue of Celio’s Shadow. Would you read on? Should this author have hired an editor?
The storm was just a local story at first. Despite nearly a week of fierce winds and record-breaking rainfall for the Pacific Northwest, property damage was minimal and there’d been no injuries or loss of life reported. With no drama to cover, media interest in the storm faded fast. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along. Then a ten-year-old boy and his dog went exploring along the muddy banks of the rain-swollen Columbia River. The skeletal remains they stumbled upon were, according to the boy, “scattered across the shoreline like pickup sticks.” Their discovery grabbed national headlines after authorities speculated that the storm had dislodged an ancient burial ground, possibly Native American. Archaeologists and tribal activists flocked to the site until it was determined that the bones belonged to a single individual who had been buried for only sixty years or so. Further forensic examination confirmed that the individual had been a victim of foul play.
Sensational murder cases—even those sixty years old—tend to bring out the tinfoil hat crazies, the “Jesus told me who did it” nutters, and other assorted fruit loops with no credibility. I’d moved 3,000 miles and a lifetime away from the Oregon town I once called home, but I knew all about the circumstances surrounding the murder that had just been uncovered. I’d left town the day I turned eighteen and vowed never to come back or tell anyone what I’d witnessed—and I’d done just that until the past’s hidden remnants were finally exposed. The telling was overdue (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This book averaged 4.7 out of 5 stars on Amazon. A strong first-person voice promises a professional telling of this story. It opens with the discovery of a body, always a good sign. We know what this story’s about right away. And then the narrator expands on that, letting us know that the long-held explanation of what happened with that murder is all wrong, that she’s a witness, and it’s time to tell the truth. For me, the story questions certainly earned a turn of the page. As I live in the Pacific Northwest and am very familiar with the Columbia Gorge and the setting, I’m pretty sure I’ll read on in this one. What did you think?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.