Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of the first chapter from an historical fantasy, The Watchmaker’s Daughter. Would you read on? Should this author have hired an editor?
There were several reasons why I fell in love with Eddie Hardacre, but seeing a painter put the finishing touches to “E. HARDACRE, WATCHMAKER” on the shop front that had been in my family's hands for over a century, I couldn't remember any of them. My former fiancé was worse than a pirate. At least pirates were loyal to their crew. Loyalty was a bartering tool Eddie employed whenever he needed to gain someone's trust. Someone like my poor, foolish dead father. And me.
It was time to tell Eddie what I thought of him. I'd kept my anger bottled inside for long enough, and if I didn't let it out, I would never heal. Besides, now was the perfect time, as a customer inspected one of Father's watches. Eddie loathed public displays of emotion.
I would give him the most public of emotional displays that I could.
I tugged on my jacket lapels, threw back my shoulders, and marched past the gentleman's shiny black coach and into the shop that should have been mine.
The entrance was as far as I got. The familiarity of my surroundings pinched my heart. The rich scent of polished wood mingled with the subtle tang of metal. The myriad tick tocks, which irritated so many customers after mere minutes inside, summoned a well of memories. The individual rhythms sounded chaotic when placed in one room together but they reassured me that all would be well, that I had come home. It had been two weeks since I'd heard their song.
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This book averaged 4.3 out of 5 stars on Amazon. For me, this was a strong opening page that did a good job of including a number of checklist writing tools. In addition to good writing and voice, the scene was set and I got a sense of the period and the place. The character is sympathetic—a woman whose father has died and fiancé has betrayed. Something has gone wrong—the previously mentioned death and betrayal. Conflict is coming—she will confront the fiancé. And, thus, good story questions are raised.
So, what about an editor?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.