Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, It seemed to me that it could be educational to take a hard look at their first pages. If you don’t know about BookBub, it’s a pretty nifty way to try to build interest in your work. The website is here.
I’m mostly sampling books that are offered for free—BookBub says that readers are 10x more likely to click on a book that’s offered for free than a discounted book. Following is the first page and a poll. Then my comments follow, along with the book cover, the author’s name, and a link so you can take a look for yourself if you wish. At Amazon you can click on the Read More feature to get more of the chapter if you’re interested. There’s a later poll concerning the need for an editor.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of the first chapter from Yucatan Dead, billed as a thriller. Would you read on? Should this author have hired an editor?
THE STENCH OF decay rose from the unforgiving mattress as I shifted to a sitting position. My breath caught as sharp pain lanced through my body from the effort. I ran my hands over my torso, checking for injuries.
Good, no blood.
The watery gray light from a high window covered in metal bars illuminated the block walls that formed my prison. Musty air gave way to a whiff of mold and mildew, reminding me of an old flooded cellar. The thugs who brought me here had masks over their faces and smelled of stale cerveza and garlic, a familiar and unwelcome aroma.
Judging by what I saw in the short trip from the cargo van to the hulking concrete building, I was somewhere in the tropics. Dieffenbachia and philodendron grew in wild profusion while aggressive vines climbed stately royal palms, choking the life out of them. The air oozed damp.
How the hell did you wind up here, Kate? Abduction wasn't an entirely foreign event in my life, it's just that it hadn't happened in a while. Groggy from drugs and a vomit-inducing flight tied up in the back of a Cessna, pictures of a woman with short, blonde hair and familiar green eyes skated through my mind. Tired and disoriented, I couldn't catch and hold the images to remember her name.
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This book averaged a strong 4.7 out of 5 stars on Amazon. I cheated a little on this one—I’d like to find something that signals a good read, so I checked out the Amazon reviews looking for a clue. This one had a number of positive comments, so I thought we should give it a try.
Right off the start, the writing and voice are that of a pro, which is promising. The scene is set immediately and clearly, and briefly—there’s all we need. And then the narrator gets right into her troubles. They sound serious. While we don’t know the actual stakes, they’re generally pretty high in a kidnapping. Especially one in Mexico or Central or South America.
The character is likable and strong, too—she doesn’t panic or act weak. Instead, she has the strength to be calm and assess her situation. I definitely want to know what happens next. I like this writer and, in this case, the free novel may well draw me into buying another of hers if this story is a promising as it seems. And this writer doesn’t, based on just one page, need an editor. What do you think?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.