Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, It seemed to me that it could be educational to take a hard look at their first pages. If you don’t know about BookBub, it’s a pretty nifty way to try to build interest in your work. The website is here.
I’m mostly sampling books that are offered for free—BookBub says that readers are 10x more likely to click on a book that’s offered for free than a discounted book. Following is the first page and a poll. Then my comments follow, along with the book cover, the author’s name, and a link so you can take a look for yourself if you wish. At Amazon you can click on the Read More feature to get more of the chapter if you’re interested. There’s a later poll concerning the need for an editor.
Today’s flogging is of the first novel of a four-novel giveaway, a great deal if they’re good reads. Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of the first chapter from The Forgotten Coast. Should this author have hired an editor?
The seagulls bounced around him, lighting just long enough to snatch up the pieces of bread, then hovering in the air, wings whipping, to wait for more.
Gulls were mercenary and self-absorbed, but he liked them. They were honest about their selfishness, unafraid of disapproval. At the same time, they were beautiful and graceful and they were the sight and sound of home.
He’d spent his entire life in Apalachicola and on St. George Island, just a few miles from the coast across the causeway. To his mind, it was one of the few places left that actually felt like Florida, with its century-old brick and clapboard shops and houses, the marina filled with shrimp and oyster boats and people who couldn’t care less about Disney World.
Every time he’d left the Panhandle, for college or just to escape, he’d always felt slightly lost. Cities and nightlife and people with unfamiliar last names quickly lost their luster. Whenever he’d arrived home, after a few weeks or a few years, he’d felt his lungs open up to the salt and the heat and he’d known that he hadn’t really breathed since he’d left.
Always, he came here first, to this virtually undisturbed, unblemished part of the island that was now a state park. Here, he could be the only sign of humanity among the white dunes and the sea grasses and the gulls and crabs that lived among them. Looking out to the ocean, he felt at once humbled and comforted by his own unimportance.
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This series averaged 4.9 out of 5 stars on Amazon. For me, this opening page would not have opened the door. I starts with one of the things I say to avoid in an opening page—musing, introspection. And nothing happening. No page turn for me. However, right after this ends comes the following, which would have gotten me to turn the page. See what you think, a poll follows.
Maggie Redmond pulled the coverlet over her head as her cell phone bleated from the nightstand.
“No,” she grumbled from under the covers, but the bleating continued and the coverlet did little to block the late morning sun.
She snaked a hand out from under the covers and pulled the cell phone in, thumbing the answer button.
“I just went to bed. If this isn’t life threatening, hang up.”
“No,” she heard Wyatt Hamilton rumble back. Wyatt was the Sheriff of Franklin County and her boss. “I need you to come over to St. George Island. Got a guy that shot himself on the beach.”
“So? How badly is he hurt?”
“I don’t know how bad it hurt, but it sure as hell killed him,” Wyatt said.
“Ugh. Did you tell him it was my first day off in two weeks?”
“I mentioned it,” he answered.
“We’re at the first pull-off before you get to the state park.”
“Do I have time to take a shower?”
“Well, he’s awfully close to the shoreline and the seagulls keep making off with chunks of his childhood memories, but you’re the investigator, so it’s your call.”
What do you think about the need for an editor? Due to the quality of the writing and the strong second scene, I’m going to give this series a try.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.