Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, It seemed to me that it could be educational to take a hard look at their first pages. If you don’t know about BookBub, it’s a pretty nifty way to try to build interest in your work. The website is here.
I’m mostly sampling books that are offered for free—BookBub says that readers are 10x more likely to click on a book that’s offered for free than a discounted book. Following is the first page and a poll. Then my comments follow, along with the book cover, the author’s name, and a link so you can take a look for yourself if you wish. At Amazon you can click on the Read More feature to get more of the chapter if you’re interested. There’s a later poll concerning the need for an editor.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of the first chapter from Rip Tides. Should this author have hired an editor?
Ocean the color of gemstones—turquoise and lapis, with a few emeralds thrown in—seemed to mock Detective Sergeant Lei Texeira with its beauty as she pushed through the ring of spectators on the beach at Ho`okipa, Maui. A couple of uniformed officers she was familiar with were holding back the crowd, and Lei gave them a nod. “Push them back farther. Put up some scene tape.”
Before she looked at the body she’d come for, Lei’s eyes swept the crowd. The onlookers were subdued—all but one, a young brunette woman wrapped in a towel. She was sobbing into the arms of a blonde friend. Lei made a mental note to come back to the woman, and turned to her partner, Pono Kaihale.
“Can you start getting names and contact info? See who we can get statements from before these witnesses start drifting off?” The first officers on the scene were busily trying to isolate witnesses and take statements, but they had their hands full as the crowd ebbed and flowed.
God bless Pono. Her longtime friend and partner never had a problem with her taking the lead. He nodded, whipped a notepad out of his pocket, and waded back into the crowd. Lei pulled her radio off her belt and called for reinforcements to help their team grab anyone who might be a viable witness.
You can turn the page and read more here. Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This book received 4.7 out of 5 stars on Amazon. The writing is solid and professional and promise that you’ll be in the hands of a pro. On the other hand, there’s not a bunch of tension on this page. For one thing, this is a murder mystery but there’s no body, no interesting or involving clue as to who is dead. A few paragraphs later we learn that the victim is a famous surfer, which could have added interest. But we’re treated with a little relationship musing and cops going about business as usual in a humdrum way. Whether or not there’s a compelling mystery remains to be seen, but only if you turn the page. I’ve read a mystery from this author before and enjoyed it, but wouldn’t have if this had been the first page. Not compelling for me.
What do you think about the need for an editor?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Fantasy</strong >(satire) The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles
Mystery</strong >(coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Hiding Magic
Science Fiction GundownFree ebooks.