Writer Laura Droege reports on an experience at a writers conference workshop that highlights reasons why many first pages fail to provoke a turn of the page by literary agents.
At this conference, four agents on a panel listened as first pages were read aloud. Whenever an agent got to a point where she would have stopped reading, she raised her hand. Once 3 out of the 4 agents had raised their hands, the reading ended and the agents spoke about why they stopped. Many were halted with only one or two lines read.
Laura reports that out of about 35-40 submissions, only 4 got agents to keep reading. Like me, Laura figures that the first manuscript page holds 17 lines, about 200-300 words. That’s all you get.
She pulls together the reasons given for stopping, most of them grouped under two headings, Boring and Too Much Information. She notes that under “boring,” opening with the weather was mentioned multiple times.
Two positives:
They liked humor. Getting a laugh got the writers more reading.
It’s not just the first page they consider in a real submission—they do read the query letter first, and a strong premise might make them keep reading if the beginning is weak.
There’s more good information in Laura’s post, and I recommend that you give it a read here.
They say that the ideal average for a first-time novelist is between 80,000 and 100,000 words. One exception to the 100,000 limit is fantasy and science fiction. Even then, if they can be longer, maybe they shouldn’t be.
So here are AutoCrit’s tips on trimming—these are things I commonly do with my editing clients (I’m currently working on a 150,000-word fantasy novel):
Look to shortening your sentences and dialogue, and removing unnecessary exposition.
Are there any scenes that solely exist to highlight a certain part of a character’s personality or motivation, without actually moving the plot forward? If so, how could you inject this character beat into a different, existing scene?
Are you running away with too many subplots that don’t have meaningful impact on the main story or characters? You might want to nix some.
Be completely honest with yourself – if something isn’t crucial to keeping your story moving, chop it. It can be easy to trim 30,000 words from a manuscript when you’re ruthless about efficiency.
That last one is one of the best rules and the easiest to deal with—just use the delete key.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, It seemed to me that it could be educational to take a hard look at their first pages. If you don’t know about BookBub, it’s a pretty nifty way to try to build interest in your work. The website is here.
I’m mostly sampling books that are offered for free—BookBub says that readers are 10x more likely to click on a book that’s offered for free than a discounted book. Following is the first page and a poll. Then my comments follow, along with the book cover, the author’s name, and a link so you can take a look for yourself if you wish. At Amazon you can click on the Read More feature to get more of the chapter if you’re interested. There’s a later poll concerning the need for an editor.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of chapter one in Deception. Should this author have hired an editor?
My younger sister screamed.
Natalie ran across the driveway and pulled open the driver's side door of the shiny, red BMW. She moved aside the red ribbon from the giant bow and climbed inside the car.
The new-car scent wafted over to where I stood with our parents. I glanced over at my used, hard-earned Ford. It languished next to the glistening BMW.
POP!
POP!
POP!
Three of the six driveway lights exploded into tiny pieces and fell to the cement behind us.
My oblivious sister sprinted back to our parents as her blonde ponytail swayed back and forth. She gave them each a big hug and a perfect smile. "Daddy, can I take it to practice and show my friends?"
Natalie pleaded with her big doe eyes.
"Of course, sweetheart. Let's get a picture first." My dad turned to me. "Alexis, will you take a picture of us in front of Natalie's new car?"
"I'd rather get a selfie." Natalie pulled out her phone and held it out. "I can't wait to post (snip)
Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This book received 4.4 stars on Amazon. There are two reasons I flog Bookbubbers—one is to illustrate the all-too-frequent need for an editor, and the other is to fine light and entertaining reading for when I do my treadmill. In this book, the writing is good, and so is the voice. Keeping in mind that I knew this was a YA book, the character and the action are fitting.
The opening line is catching, but then it quickly feels like a little bit of bait and switch. Perhaps the forgiving note is the succession of bursting lightbulbs showing us that something unusual and possibly paranormal is going on. But is that enough of a story question? Ordinarily, I’d say no. But, as I said, I’m on the lookout for a fun read. So, in this case, I read on.
The story is one I’ve seen before in YA novels—girl is brainy and smart and doesn’t know that she’s gorgeous, and she has hidden paranormal abilities that she doesn’t know about but are starting to manifest. But I did find the character and voice to be satisfying, so I’ll probably go on to read this one—but, had it not been free, I don’t think I would have gotten here from the first page. It still needs a stronger story question.
Poll: what are your thoughts about this author needing an editor? Remember that the goal of the first page is to get you to turn it. If the narrative didn’t do that, then it didn’t work the way it needed to.
Submissions sought.Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
The character desires something.
The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
It happens in the NOW of the story.
Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Caveat: a first page can succeed without including all of these possibilities. They are simply tools you can use. In particular, a strong first-person voice with the right content can raise powerful story questions and a create page turn without doing all of the above. On the other hand, testing pages with the checklist no matter where they are in a story can help identify where a narrative lags and why it does.
Christian has come back with a revision of his chapter 1 of Red Alleys. The first version is here. The rest of the chapter follows the break.
Estigo couldn’t tell which was worse, the plan or the execution. Everything began to go wrong when the armored car blasted into the headquarters. Estigo crouched on the Martian soil and watched the headquarters from several yards away as its iron gates were thrown open from the impact, revealing thirty armed soldiers. They took aim at the vehicle and opened fire.
Estigo turned from the armored car and watched as Robert paced. He saw Robert turn toward him and tried unsuccessfully to hide his look of fear. Robert spoke, his eyes narrowed. "We spent months planning this thing. Don't tell me you want out now?"
"No, I'm good."
"Then act like it. The Alley Burners are worse than any gang back on Earth. If we don’t get to the tower in time, we might as well turn ourselves in.”
Estigo turned back toward the armored car, which wasn’t quite armored enough. It was covered in bullet holes and one of its back windows was shattered. One of the soldiers, a bulky man near the front of the group, ran over to it and peered through the shattered window.
"Hey Derik! We get 'em?" Estigo heard a voice from further inside the headquarters.
"Wait a minute-" the man identified as Derik began.
The armored car exploded in a fury of flames as a bomb went off inside. Derik leaped back but caught on fire, the other soldiers collapsing beside him.
I think this works better in terms of clarity, but there are still some issues. There’s a point-of-view shift, and for me the staging still doesn’t quite work—it’s about Robert pacing just a few yards from a fire fight and an armored car that explodes. The narrative could be a little crisper, too. A few notes:
Estigo couldn’t tell which was worse, the plan or the execution. Everything began to go wrong when the armored car blasted into the headquarters building. Estigo crouched on the Martian soil and watched the headquarters from several yards away as its iron gates were thrown open from the impact, revealing thirty armed soldiers. They took aim at the vehicle and opened fire.
Estigo turned from the armored car and watched as Robert paced. He sawRobert turnturned toward him and tried unsuccessfully to hide his look of fear. He Robert spoke, narrowed his eyes and said,narrowed. "We spent months planning this thing. Don't tell me you want out now?" I’m not sure I get the idea of Robert pacing just several yards away from 30 soldiers blasting away at the armored car. That’s awfully close to a fire fight and an armored car that Robert would know is set to explode. He’s not only standing up, he’s pacing? The part about trying to hide a look of fear is a point of view slip—Estigo can’t know what Robert is trying to do here.
"No, I'm good."
"Then act like it. The Alley Burners are worse than any gang back on Earth. If we don’t get to the tower in time, we might as well turn ourselves in.”
Estigo turned back toward the armored car, which wasn’t quite armored enough. Itwas covered in bullet holes,and one of its back windows was shattered. One of the soldiers, a bulky man near the front of the group, ran over to it andpeered through the shattered window.
A voice shouted from inside the building, "Hey Derik! We get 'em?" Estigo heard a voice from further inside the headquarters.
"Wait a minute-" the man identified as Derik began.
The armored car exploded in a fury of flames as a bomb went off inside. Derik leaped back but caught on fire, the other soldiers collapsing beside him.
I've always been interested in writing and drawing a graphic novel--did you know that the writing side is basically scriptwriting? You write a form of a script with brief bits of picture and action description along with the words. Mine will be comedic in nature, but not a comic (I think).
The reason for bringing this up is my discovery today of a bestselling graphic memoir that is far, far, far from the Marvel universe. You can read a full chapter from Imagine Wanting Only This here. I sampled it and found it intriguing. You can see the "first page" with the Amazon Look Inside feature here, but the full chapter from later in the book, full size, is in the article.
Here's the description from Amazon:
When Kristen Radtke was in college, the sudden death of a beloved uncle and the sight of an abandoned mining town after his funeral marked the beginning moments of a lifelong fascination with ruins and with people and places left behind. Over time, this fascination deepened until it triggered a journey around the world in search of ruined places. Now, in this genre-smashing graphic memoir, she leads us through deserted cities in the American Midwest, an Icelandic town buried in volcanic ash, islands in the Philippines, New York City, and the delicate passageways of the human heart. Along the way, we learn about her family and a rare genetic heart disease that has been passed down through generations, and revisit tragic events in America’s past.
A narrative that is at once narrative and factual, historical and personal, Radtke’s stunning illustrations and piercing text never shy away from the big questions: Why are we here, and what will we leave behind?
Do you have an interest in writing a graphic novel? Or are you writing one? Let me know in comments.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, It seemed to me that it could be educational to take a hard look at their first pages. If you don’t know about BookBub, it’s a pretty nifty way to try to build interest in your work. The website is here.
I’m mostly sampling books that are offered for free—BookBub says that readers are 10x more likely to click on a book that’s offered for free than a discounted book. Following is the first page and a poll. Then my comments follow, along with the book cover, the author’s name, and a link so you can take a look for yourself if you wish. At Amazon you can click on the Read More feature to get more of the chapter if you’re interested. There’s a later poll concerning the need for an editor.
Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of chapter one in a book billed as a crime novel, Blood Oath. Should this author have hired an editor?
Shane McMillan goes missing on the sweetest day of the year— the third Saturday in May, the day dedicated to celebrating the year’s honey harvest at the annual Tupelo Festival in Wewahitchka— the tiny town that is the tupelo capital of the world.
The morning is bright, cool, and clear.
A beautiful day. The kind when nothing bad should be able to happen.
Beneath the enormous canopy of ancient live oak trees, the breeze blowing off Lake Alice waves the Spanish moss about and wafts around the savory smells of stir fry, barbecue, chargrilled chicken, sausage, burgers, and hotdogs, fresh fried catfish and grouper, and funnel cake.
Thousands of people fill the little lakeside park. Some winding their way around the cement walking track, slowly moving from vendor to vendor, lifting and examining and talking about the bottles of honey, homemade candles, kids clothes, wooden toys, wind chimes, hand-painted signs, scarves, and glass jars of special spices and sauces. Others sitting beneath the green tin roof of the pavilion listening to live music. Still others standing in line for food or sitting beneath the shade of a pole barn at picnic tables eating it. Some parents watch their kids play games, ride ponies, and jump in the bouncy castle in the middle of it all, while others look on as their kids swing and slide and climb on the permanent playground equipment at the far end.
Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This book received a strong 4.6 stars on Amazon. The writing is just fine, the voice likable as well. There is a teaser opening . . . but then the chapter devolves into backstory. It ends with a little more teasing . . . but the next two chapters are pretty much all backstory. For this reader, the story sagged from the beginning. The author has a successful series going, and I suspect the high ratings are from people who know his writing and don’t need to be pulled into the story right away. But I’m not one of them. With no real story questions—and the only one there is about a character I know nothing about nor care for—there’s no turn of the page for me. Poll on need for editor below.
Poll: what are your thoughts about this author needing an editor? Remember that the goal of the first page is to get you to turn it. If the narrative didn’t do that, then it didn’t work the way it needed to.
Submissions sought.Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
The character desires something.
The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
It happens in the NOW of the story.
Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Caveat: a first page can succeed without including all of these possibilities. They are simply tools you can use. In particular, a strong first-person voice with the right content can raise powerful story questions and a create page turn without doing all of the above. On the other hand, testing pages with the checklist no matter where they are in a story can help identify where a narrative lags and why it does.
Christian sends chapter 1 of Red Alleys. The rest of the chapter follows the break.
Estigo faced the gates with a feeling of dread. They looked old and dusty, not much of a threat for the armored car. Still, the mission felt off. Taking down the toughest gang on Mars would no doubt be a tough job. Estigo had a sense the Alley Burners were waiting, that Cloud Nine was in over its head. He was right.
To Estigo's right, Retrigo stood, leaning on the armored car. He saw the look on Estigo's face. "We spent months planning this thing. Don't tell me you want out now?"
"No, I'm good."
"Then act like it."
Retrigo was the leader of Cloud Nine, one of the first organizations formed on Mars. Despite his position, few people in the organization knew much about him. Even Estigo, Retrigo's second-in-command, knew little about him. Estigo told himself that it didn't matter, but he still wondered if there was more to Retrigo than he knew.
Inside the headquarters, a group of about thirty soldiers stood, armed with machine guns. If they were waiting for something, they didn't have to for very long. The armored car crashed through the gates and blasted into the headquarters. The soldiers fired instantaneously. One of its back windows shattered and it slowed to a halt. Smoke began coming out the back. One of the soldiers, a bulky man near the front of the group, walked over to the armored car at peered (snip)
There’s good clean writing here, but I feel that this opening page needs work on the storytelling side. There’s some head-hopping right away, in the second paragraph. I’ve a note below on the dangers of the two very similar names, Estigo/Retrigo. And then the scene-setting and staging of the action lacks clarity—the narrative doesn’t show us where the headquarters is, what the scene beyond the gates is.
And there are POV slips (maybe)—if the waiting soldiers are waiting inside the headquarters building, how can a soldier on the outside know how many they are and how they are armed? I see similar tangles coming up later in the chapter, and the through line of who’s doing what wasn’t clear to me. As for story questions, since this is all anticipation and the POV character isn’t clear, nor are the consequences of failure, this page didn’t work for me on that level, either. Try opening later with less setup and with action happening. A few notes:
Estigo faced the gates with a feeling of dread. They looked old and dusty, not much of a threat for the armored car. Still, the mission felt off. Taking down the toughest gang on Mars would no doubt be a tough job. Estigo had a sense the Alley Burners were waiting, that Cloud Nine was in over its head. He was right.The first sentence is “telling.” Can you show us how he feels? For example: Estigo’s gut tightened when he faced the gates. “tough” is an echo of “toughest” earlier in the sentence, make them different.
To Estigo's right, Retrigo stood, leaning on the armored car. He saw the look on Estigo's face. "We spent months planning this thing. Don't tell me you want out now?" Unless you have a really important reason for these characters’ names to be so similar, I strongly advise you to change one of them to something completely different. As is, readers will inevitably become confused at times or have to work to keep the characters separate. Not best practice. “He saw” is a shift in point of view from Estigo, with whom we started in deep third person, to Retrigo’s POV here—Estigo can’t know what Retrigo is seeing.
"No, I'm good."
"Then act like it."
Retrigo was the leader of Cloud Nine, one of the first organizations formed on Mars. Despite his position, few people in the organization knew much about him. Even Estigo, Retrigo's second-in-command, knew little about him. Estigo told himself that it didn't matter, but he still wondered if there was more to Retrigo than he knew. The back-and-forth of Estigo-Retrigo-Estigo-Retrigo is dizzying. And confusing.
Inside the headquarters, a group of about thirty soldiers stood, armed with machine guns. If they were waiting for something, they didn't have to for very long. The armored car crashed through the gates and blasted into the headquarters. The soldiers fired instantaneously. One of its back windows shattered and it slowed to a halt. Smoke began coming out the back. One of the soldiers, a bulky man near the front of the group, walked over to the armored car at peered (snip) Are “the headquarters” behind the gates? If so, that should be established early on. For example: taking down the headquarters of the toughest gang . . . etc. And here we need to see a little more—are the soldiers visible and waiting in a courtyard or some area between the gates and the headquarters building? But the armored car bursts through the gates and into headquarters, implying that the soldiers are inside headquarters. If they are, how can Estigo know that there are thirty of them and how they are armed? The staging of this scene isn’t clear at this point. The reader won’t know what to “see.”
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, It seemed to me that it could be educational to take a hard look at their first pages. If you don’t know about BookBub, it’s a pretty nifty way to try to build interest in your work. The website is here.
I’m mostly sampling books that are offered for free—BookBub says that readers are 10x more likely to click on a book that’s offered for free than a discounted book. Following is the first page and a poll. Then my comments follow, along with the book cover, the author’s name, and a link so you can take a look for yourself if you wish. At Amazon you can click on the Read More feature to get more of the chapter if you’re interested. There’s a later poll concerning the need for an editor.
This book opens with a prologue and then the first chapter, so we’ll take a look at both to see what works. Next are the first 17 manuscript lines of the prologue in a book billed as a mystery, Chimera. The first chapter follows. Should this author have hired an editor?
Prologue
The night sky over Abbeyford was spangled with a million little explosions of light; red, blue, gold and green lit up the dark clouds before falling and fading into oblivion. In the town below, the crowds thronged the pavements and the open space of the fairground that lay to the north of the town park gardens. Along the high street came a fantastic beast, jointed in three places; a giant, scaled snake with huge yellow eyes. Children yelled and pointed, and adults clapped and cheered at the sight. Beneath the snake costume, fifteen sweating men held up the frame that supported its body. The night air carried the acrid tang of cordite from the fireworks and billowed with smoke from chestnuts cooking on braziers. It was thick with the greasy smell of the fast food vans offering chips and hot dogs and candy floss. Thumping bass music blared from the funfair on the park ground itself, pierced by the shrieks and delighted yells of those on the fast rides and the bumper cars. Abbeyford was enjoying its annual pagan festival; for one night in late September the town celebrated the myth and legend of the Abbeyford Wyrm, a giant snake-like creature once rumoured to have lived in the woods and forests surrounding the town.
Olly Chandler had something more than the festival on his mind. He and his girlfriend, Mia Smith, strolled through the fairground, hand in hand. Mia wanted to go on the Ghost Train but Olly scoffed. “Got something even better than that,” he said, pulling Mia close. “A quiet place just for us and some decent weed. How about that?”
Chapter 1
“This is freakin’ amazing!” Jay shouted in Kate’s ear. “I can’t believe you’ve lived here for four years and never once been to this festival.”
“I know, I know.” Kate was thinking the same thing herself. She’d never seen the normally fairly quiet streets of Abbeyford so busy, packed with a shouting, laughing, gesticulating crowd; from tiny babies in prams to pensioners gamely tottering on their walking sticks or regarding the festivities from wheelchairs. “I always thought it was – well – a bit – a bit…”
“A bit what?” asked Hannah, Kate’s best friend who was visiting from Brighton. Hannah’s husband, Dan, was standing with his hands in his jeans pockets, a bemused expression on his face. Kate knew how he felt.
“I don’t know. A bit…fuddy duddy. Like Morris dancing and the W.I.”
“Jesus,” said Jay, grinning. “I would have thought something like the Women’s Institute was right up your street. You’re hardly rock and roll, are you, Sis?”
Kate slapped his arm. “Compared to you, no. But then compared to you, the most debauched of the Roman emperors aren’t very rock and roll.”
That wasn’t actually very fair, as she knew full well that Jay had calmed down a lot over the last few years. But he was her little brother - teasing was her prerogative. The main reason (snip)
Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow.
This book received a strong 4.6 stars on Amazon. The writing and voice are fine, and both pieces start with a live scene and something is happening. But what?
In the prologue, we get a loooooog description of a carnival. It needn’t have taken that much, most of us have an idea of what a carnival is like. All that happens is that we meet a guy who wants to get stoned with his girlfriend. Is there a hint of mystery? Of anything going wrong? Any trouble for Olly and Mia? Not in the story. Oh, I know that readers expect something will go wrong, but an expectation is hardly compelling, in my view. By the way, really long blocks of text such as the first paragraph are real barriers to readers. Break it up, give our eyes some white space.
The first chapter takes its time in introducing four characters (in just three paragraphs) and they just talk about what’s going on. Hint of mystery? Trouble ahead? Nope. For me, neither earned a page turn. Too bad, I was really looking for something to read. Poll on need for editor below.
Poll: what are your thoughts about this author needing an editor? Remember that the goal of the first page is to get you to turn it. If the narrative didn’t do that, then it didn’t work the way it needed to.
While the focus here at FtQ is on the first page, my focus as an editor and an author is on the whole thing—the story. One of my favorite “coaches,” Steven James, lays out the 5 essential story ingredients in a Writer’s Digest article, and I encourage you to take a look. Here are the ingredients and a little taste:
At its heart, a story is about a person dealing with tension, and tension is created by unfulfilled desire. Without forces of antagonism, without setbacks, without a crisis event that initiates the action, you have no story. The secret, then, to writing a story that draws readers in and keeps them turning pages is not to make more and more things happen to a character, and especially not to follow some preordained plot formula or novel-writing template. Instead, the key to writing better stories is to focus on creating more and more tension as your story unfolds.
Ingredient #1: Orientation
For example, if you introduce us to your main character, Frank, the happily married man next door, readers instinctively know that Frank’s idyllic life is about to be turned upside down—most likely by the death of either his spouse or his marriage. Something will soon rock the boat and he will be altered forever. Because when we read about harmony at the start of a story, it’s a promise that discord is about to come. Readers expect this.
Ingredient#2: Crisis
Typically, your protagonist will have the harmony of both his external world and his internal world upset by the crisis that initiates the story. One of these two imbalances might have happened before the beginning of the story, but usually at least one will occur on the page for your readers to experience with your protagonist, and the interplay of these two dynamics will drive the story forward.
Ingredient #3: Escalation
If you take a pebble and throw it against a wall, it’ll bounce off the wall unchanged. But if you throw a ball of putty against a wall hard enough, it will change shape.
Always in a story, your main character needs to be a putty person.
When you throw him into the crisis of the story, he is forever changed, and he will take whatever steps he can to try and solve his struggle—that is, to get back to his original shape (life before the crisis).
But he will fail.
Ingredient #4: Discovery
In one of the paradoxes of storytelling, the reader wants to predict how the story will end (or how it will get to the end), but he wants to be wrong. So, the resolution of the story will be most satisfying when it ends in a way that is both inevitable and unexpected.
Ingredient #5: Change
Think of a caterpillar entering a cocoon. Once he does so, one of two things will happen: He will either transform into a butterfly, or he will die. But no matter what else happens, he will never climb out of the cocoon as a caterpillar.
So it is with your protagonist.
I have Steven’s craft book, Story Trumps Structure, and think it has valuable insights, especially for “organic” or pantser writers like me. Visit the article and see if you gain any insights.
I’ve been struggling with a character in my current WIP because he is just too damn admiring of the main protagonist. Oh, I intend a romantic element between them in the story, but not at the start. But, so far, no matter how I try, this character generates very little story heat, no conflict to create tension.
I’ve been inching my way to ways to change him/his motivations to increase that conflict and tension, but was having trouble in picturing it, in making it make sense to my sense of the story.
And then I came across a post at Writer Unboxed that has broken the shackles that were binding my imagination. Its title: “The Importance of the Adversarial Ally.”
I’d never even thought of an “adversarial ally,” but, especially after reading about the examples in Jeanne Cavelos’s post, it makes perfect sense to me. After reading the article, an example popped into my mind that helps me with the concept: Jiminy Cricket in the Disney Pinocchio story. He’s clearly on Pinocchio’s side, but there’s plenty of conflict when Jiminy opposes what Pinocchio wants to do, and for good reason. Here are some of Jeanne’s thoughts:
Writers provide characters who will help and support their protagonist. The loyal friend who will stand up when the hero needs an ally. The love interest who will bandage the protagonist’s wounds. The mentor who will provide important information.
That was where I was with my ally character. But then there’s this . . .
But if this ally is only helping, you are missing a great opportunity to introduce conflict and emotion into your story.
“Only helping.” Exactly. Only helping. Only loving. Only adoring. A bit one-sided, isn’t it? She defines an adversarial ally this way:
An adversarial ally is a character who, underneath it all, is an ally to your protagonist. The “adversarial” part comes in because this character won’t just agree with everything the protagonist says and does. He won’t automatically help the protagonist with anything the protagonist wants to do. He wants what is best for the protagonist, but has his own strong options about what that is and thinks he knows better than the protagonist. He sees the protagonist as flawed or failing in some way and calls her on it. He’s not going to let the protagonist make mistakes or indulge her weaknesses.
The examples she gives include Dr. McCoy from Star Trek, Mickey the trainer in the Rocky films, and Alfred in the Batman Dark Knight series.