Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, It seemed to me that it could be educational to take a hard look at their first pages. If you don’t know about BookBub, it’s a pretty nifty way to try to build interest in your work. The website is here.
I’m mostly sampling books that are offered for free—BookBub says that readers are 10x more likely to click on a book that’s offered for free than a discounted book. Following is the first page and a poll. Then my comments follow, along with the book cover, the author’s name, and a link so you can take a look for yourself if you wish. At Amazon you can click on the Read More feature to get more of the chapter if you’re interested. There’s a second poll concerning the need for an editor.
Should this author have hired an editor? Here’s the first chapter from Just Needs Killin’, a free mystery novel by Jinx Schwartz. It is the sixth in a series.
My VHF radio crackled to life and a familiar, if tremulous, voice carried throughout the cabin. "Raymond Johnson, Raymond Johnson, this is Jan. I'm at the marina office. Can you please, please, come get me?"
That quaver spoke volumes— volumes of ca-ca.
Not that I wasn't happy to hear from my best friend, but Jan turning up unannounced at Puerto Escondido, coupled with the telling timbre of the call, was a dead-on harbinger of an impending pity party. Or worse.
Her pitiful plea was, unfortunately, broadcast throughout the cruising community for miles around. I envisioned boaters lunging for their radios, poised to switch to whichever channel I chose in order to answer Jan's call. Dashing their hopes of "reading the mail" and listening in on what promised to be a titillating conversation, I answered with a simple, "I'll be right there," followed by a smug, "Ha!" after I let go of the transmit key and gleefully imagined a collective sigh of disappointment wafting my way on a light breeze. We boaters are so easily titillated.
Wondering, however, whether the last laugh might be on me, I let loose a sigh of my own, and said, "Po Thang, let us go fetch your po Auntie Jan and see what manner of well-known substance has hit the friggin' propeller."
This book received an average Amazon rating of 4.4 stars. I liked the voice and the writing—since this is the sixth book in the series, her regular readers must like them as well, along with the stories. But, for me, no compelling story questions arose in what is primarily all setup. This is, by the way, all of the first chapter. For a reader unfamiliar with the series, the use of “Raymond Johnson” leads one to think that’s the name of a male protagonist. Well, the protagonist is female, and Raymond Johnson is the name of her boat. Confusing. I’d appreciate editing that got this story started on the first page. It wasn’t until about the 16th Kindle page that there was a hint of story, but still little in the way of tension. A leisurely, well written narrative that didn’t, for me, turn out to be a page-turner.
Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow. You can turn the page here.
© 2016 Ray Rhamey