Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, It seemed to me that it could be educational to take a hard look at their first pages. If you don’t know about BookBub, it’s a pretty nifty way to try to build interest in your work. The website is here.
I’m mostly sampling books that are offered for free—BookBub says that readers are 10x more likely to click on a book that’s offered for free than a discounted book. Following is the first page and a poll. Then my comments follow, along with the book cover, the author’s name, and a link so you can take a look for yourself if you wish. At Amazon you can click on the Read More feature to get more of the chapter if you’re interested. There’s a second poll concerning the need for an editor.
Should this author have hired an editor? Here’s the first chapter page from a free novel by M. Louisa Locke. It was promoted as “A charming historical mystery brimming with suspense!”
“Time to head out, Dunk. Mr. Rashers will have our hides if we’re not back by seven-thirty, sharp.” Seth Timmons sorted through his coins and threw down two quarters, which included a generous tip for the amiable waitress.
Dunk mopped up the last of his gravy with the end of his roll and stuffed it into his mouth. “Don’t you want to take that with you?” the young apprentice mumbled, pointing to the two chunks of potato and a strip of beefsteak left on Seth’s plate.
Seth told him no and pushed himself away from the table as Dunk took out an ink-stained handkerchief and rolled up the left-overs, sticking the soggy bundle back into his jacket pocket. The boy was only fourteen, but he already neared six feet and looked to have a few more inches to go if his prodigious appetite was any indication. Seth remembered what it was like to be that young and feel on the brink of starvation all the time. He also remembered what it was like to really starve.
Slamming the door on the dark thoughts of the war and Andersonville prison, he said gruffly, “You think that’ll tide you over till quitting time?”
Dunk grinned. “Well, I guess I forgot to mention that Ma packed me supper. But since you were so nice as to treat me to a meal, I’ll split that with you later if you get a little peckish.”
Seth chuckled, put on his stetson, and turned to wend his way through the crowded (snip)
This book received an average Amazon rating of 4.4 stars and had 143 5-star reviews. For me, I think the writer was lucky to have had anyone turn the first page. The writing is professional and we’re starting with a scene, but where’s the tension? The only story question raised is whether or not Seth will split dinner later with Dunk. Well, I guess there’s also what happened to him in the war and Andersonville, but that’s backstory, not what’s happening now. Nor did I have any idea that this was a mystery from the narrative on the first page. Oh, the title gives me that, but shouldn’t the narrative have at least the aroma of a mystery? A no from me.
Did this writer need an editor? My notes and a poll follow. You can turn the page here.
Your thoughts?
Ray
© 2016 Ray Rhamey