Submissions Desired. If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Download a free PDF copy here.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of this list before submitting to the Flogometer. I use it on my own work.
A First-page Checklist
- It begins engaging the reader with the character
- Something is happening. On a first page, this does NOT include a character musing about whatever.
- The character desires something.
- The character does something.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- What happens raises a story question.
Caveat: a strong first-person voice with the right content can raise powerful story questions and create page turns without doing all of the above. A recent submission worked wonderfully well and didn't deal with five of the things in the checklist.
Also, if you think about it, the same checklist should apply to the page where you introduce an antagonist.
EJ sends a revision of her first chapter of Called . The rest of the chapter follows the break.
Please vote and comment. It helps the writer.
“How many girls, mom?”
“I only invited a couple dozen girls and their parents, Mackenzie. You will be polite and have a good time.”
Two-dozen girls? Kill me now.
“What made you think I would enjoy this?" I asked.
“Because we’ve been in South Carolina since the middle of May and you need to find some girlfriends." She thought she was helping me, I know, but still. “Mackenzie, you need to branch out.”
I took a deep breath. “Mom, I like my life the way it is—it’s uncomplicated, plain, and simple. My friends live in my iPod, and my therapist within the pages of books."
“You had friends in Lubbock.” My mother let out a sigh. “Here it seems like you’ve retreated into yourself because you’re afraid of getting hurt. School is starting on Monday. Don’t you think it’d be nice to, at least, have a few acquaintances?”
My shoulders slumped. “I had a friend in Lubbock, and she sailed the good ship Brad to Relationship Island never to be heard from again." I looked up. “Plus, you know how I feel about large crowds."
She eyed me closely. “You know, most girls want their 16th birthday party to be huge." My mom turned to grab the tenth batch of cupcakes to frost.
I like the voice, and the writing is good. Mackenzie says funny things, and I liked the promise of more entertaining prose and thoughts. On the other hand, I suspect that this opening would only be compelling to a seriously introverted teen. The only story question raised is the level of how bummed she will be while attending a party in her honor. The stakes? Not much. What’s the story about? Don’t know. The remainder of the chapter continues in a similar vein, ending with Mackenzie getting ready to dress for the party. As far as I can see, there are no consequences to her attending, and really no desires that can be frustrated other than not going to a party. I suspect the real story starts later, and, considering the fun of the character, I’d like to read that part.
For what it’s worth.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
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