Submissions wanted.
If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below--new: I've added a request to post the rest of the chapter.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
- Story questions
- Tension (in the reader, not just the characters)
- Voice
- Clarity
- Scene-setting
- Character
Anastasia sends the first chapter of Five Thousand Revolutions, science fiction.
Note: the rest of the chapter follows if you want to turn the page.
I've been here long enough, I know.
I know when rush hour is heaviest. I know how long it takes the lights to switch green, yellow, red. I see that display in the lingerie store that never changes, even though all of us wish it would. Off to the right is a coffee shop that is open at ungodly hours like four and serves mostly bagels, no coffee.
I know to walk on the pavement closest to the cars because it's the least crowded and the blue curb is wide enough I don't lose my balance. People pass by on my left, all the students who don't have cars to get them to their jobs on time. I don't have a job, and probably never will, but I snatched a jacket from Charlie's closet a while back and I found sixty-five cents in the sleeve pocket. It's enough to buy a coffee-shop bagel.
I know what I'll see if I look up. I'll see a long, straight road with more silver cars than blue and every so often a bike. I'll see red-brick buildings. I'll see trees, and against those trees, I'll see the contaminated.
So I don't want to look up.
But, as always, I do, right when I'm passing one. Right when I'm passing him. He's eight, maybe nine, knees hugged to his chest, circle-eyed, dirty haired. He begs for food but of course no one gives it to him, since he'll throw it right back up again and the faster he dies, the better off the (snip)
Anastasia tells me that she’s thirteen and loves to write. Well, I loved reading what she writes. I wish I’d been this good at thirteen (though at the time I wanted to be a cartoonist, not a writer). This opening seems leisurely at first, and then there’s the whip-crack of “I’ll see the contaminated.” That, plus the narrative that follows, raised story questions that sure made me turn the page. The voice is clear and strong, the writing very clean. The chapter continues and builds tension as Anastasia slowly immerses us in the world she’s building, but she uses action and character to do it, not globs of description.
If you wanted to turn the page, you can read the rest of the chapter below the fold.
Scroll wayyyyy down past the directions for submitting to FtQ.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
My clients talk about the editing I do:
"Ray has been the most influential part of my writing process. I don't know what I would have done without him! His advice has taken my writing to a new level and I can't believe the growth I've seen in my own processes! I would recommend Ray to anyone looking for a professional, yet personal editing approach. I can't say enough about how happy I am that I've had him to work with or about the turn my writing has taken because of his help!" Jennifer Bush
Visit my website for more info on services and fees.
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Continue reading "Flogometer for Anastasia: would you turn the first page? " »