Submissions invited: If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
- Story questions
- Tension (in the reader, not just the characters)
- Voice
- Clarity
- Scene-setting
- Character
Irene sends the first chapter of A Sari for Miriam.
My family is well traveled. So when the offer came to go to India for three months, I wasn’t fazed at all. It was just what I wanted, but surprisingly my family objected quite strongly. But here I am, on my way six weeks later. Two airports, Miami and Paris, twenty-two hours of flying, and the pilot is finally making his announcement. "Fasten your seat belts.” I jump at the sound. “We will be on the ground in about ten minutes." Here I go. Again. Just diving in and figuring out how later. I obey the pilot's orders and pull my blanket tightly around me. The flight's been cold. I lean back to shut my eyes and take some deep, calming breaths.
"Don't be nervous. Landings aren't so bad."
I open my eyes to my neighbor's voice. He hasn't spoken a word the whole trip. “Oh no, I'm not nervous about landing. I love to fly."
“So what is it?”
I don’t think I’d ask a stranger that question. "For the first time in my life, I'm about to land in India. I'm going to be here for three months. And I'm not…
"That's a lot of sight-seeing."
If you would let me finish my sentence. "I'm not a tourist."
"So you'll be working."
"I'll be teaching and I've never taught before. Truthfully? I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Nope
Good, clean writing and a likeable voice with an immediate scene . . . but there wasn’t any tension for this reader. Oh, the character has tension, but with no stakes or consequences as a result of landing in India, there wasn’t any in me. This read so authentically I’m still not sure if it’s a memoir or fiction. The first chapter can be summed up pretty much as person arrives in strange, exotic environment and is often uncomfortable and stressed how well she will do in a teaching job. That’s about it.
There’s plenty of exposition and backstory, but not a lot happens, and there’s no sign of anything that might truly trouble the character—in other words, a strong story question that ought to be here whether it’s a memoir or not. Also, the person she speaks to on the plane doesn’t figure into the remainder of the chapter, so I guess the conversation is just a nice way to deliver some information about the trip. Instead, give me something to worry about other than landing in a strange country. The writing is fine, so I don’t have any editorial notes to offer.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Free sample chapters—click here for a PDF
“As an aspiring author in the Internet age, I thought there was enough information out there in the blogosphere to provide me with everything I needed for my arsenal. Boy, was I wrong. I wish that I had purchased Flogging the Quill months ago. Had I bought the book when I first learned about it, I'm confident it would have saved me a tremendous amount of time and effort in the crafting, writing, and rewriting of my first novel.” Shannon
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please format with double spacing, 12-point font Times New Roman font, 1-inch margins.
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
- And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
© 2013 Ray Rhamey