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For writers in the Pacific Northwest, I want to mention that I'm doing my Crafting a Killer First Page workshop at the 2013 Write on the River Conference in Wenatchee, Washington on May 18.
This is a good group run by top-knotch writers and well worth your while. I'd love to see you there.
It's only about 3 weeks away so, if you're interested, check it out soon.
Best,
Ray
Chuck Sambuchino of Writer’s Digest had a recent
post on Writer Unboxed titled What NOT to
Do When Beginning Your Novel: Advice from Literary Agents.
VOICE
“I know this may sound obvious, but too much ‘telling’ vs.
‘showing’ in the first chapter is a definite warning sign for me. The first
chapter should present a compelling scene, not a road map for the rest of the
book. The goal is to make the reader curious about your characters, fill their
heads with questions that must be answered, not fill them in on exactly where,
when, who and how.”
- Emily Sylvan Kim, Prospect Agency
PROLOGUES
“Prologues are usually a lazy way to give back-story chunks to the reader and can be handled with more finesse throughout the story. Damn the prologue, full speed ahead!”
- Laurie McLean, Foreword Literary
EXPOSITION/DESCRIPTION
“The [adjective] [adjective] sun rose
in the [adjective] [adjective] sky, shedding its [adjective] light across the
[adjective] [adjective] [adjective] land.”
- Chip MacGregor, MacGregor Literary
CHARACTERS AND BACKSTORY
“Many writers express the character’s
backstory before they get to the plot. Good writers will go back and cut that
stuff out and get right to the plot. The character’s backstory stays with
them—it’s in their DNA.”
- Adam Chromy, Movable Type Management
Ray
Free sample chapters—click here for a PDF
“As an aspiring author in the Internet age, I thought there was enough information out there in the blogosphere to provide me with everything I needed for my arsenal. Boy, was I wrong. I wish that I had purchased Flogging the Quill months ago. Had I bought the book when I first learned about it, I'm confident it would have saved me a tremendous amount of time and effort in the crafting, writing, and rewriting of my first novel.” Shannon
© 2013 Ray Rhamey
Submissions invited: If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
Natalia sends the first chapter for Rush In, a YA novel.
“Judge, get down here please. We need you,” says the teacher.
I drum my fingers on my thigh. I’m not known for joining in, but I'll do this, for Carrie. And this will cheer up Mum no end. I amble through the auditorium, script in hand.
Carrie's eyes are evasive; her body language signals she wants no kind of intimacy, scripted or real. Hell, she’s extremely cute. Her taste in some things, like boyfriends, is questionable, but Jason’s been sin binned off stage for crimes against English Lit class and I’m the leading man now. If I really were Darcy I’d want this Elizabeth.
“My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you,” I say. I would not have put it that way in private, but that sentiment and the way I feel about her are in the same ball-park. It makes Carrie blush. She's either a brilliant actor, or I am, or something else is going on. There is nothing but the two of us.
It’s over. The teacher comes to her senses first by immaturely jumping up and down. “That's what I'm talking about—” Our classmates go mad, stomping, cheering, drowning her out. Score. Judge 1 – Jason 0.
Carrie’s still glowing. Taking her hand, I fleetingly press her slim fingers, arguably still in character. She snatches away a moment too late, though her puzzled eyes betray her staying locked on mine. I think we have lift-off.
Yep.
The voice is charming, the writing good, and I wanted to see what happens for Judge. One caution: using “Judge” for a first name is problematic if it’s not clear. When I first read this dialog I thought an actual judge was being spoken to. It’s certainly possible for a judge to do something in a classroom. Maybe have the character open with something like this: The teacher calls my name. “Judge, get down here, please. We need you.” With something like that it’s perfectly clear yet only takes two more words. All in all, nice work. Notes:
“Judge, get down here please. We need you,” says the teacher. As noted, make the name clear.
I drum my fingers on my thigh. I’m not known for joining in, but I'll do this for Carrie. And this it will cheer up Mum no end. I amble through the auditorium, script in hand. Change made to avoid echo of “this”
Carrie's eyes are evasive; her body language signals she wants no kind of intimacy, scripted or real. Hell, she’s extremely cute. Her taste in some things, like boyfriends, is questionable, but Jason’s been sin-binned off stage for crimes against English Lit class and I’m the leading man now. If I really were Darcy, I’d want this Elizabeth. I think it would be better if you show the body language. For example: ... Carrie’s eyes are evasive; she looks stiff as she turns away from me. She wants no kind of intimacy, scripted or real.
On the stage, I say, “My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” I say. I would not have put it that way in private, but that sentiment and the way I feel about her are in the same ballpark ball-park. It makes Carrie blush. She's either a brilliant actor, or I am, or something else is going on. There is nothing but the two of us. I added a little “staging” to help the reader see the flow of action. How about a little more of Carrie? Does she gaze into his eyes or look at him in any way, perhaps surprised? I found the “two of us” sentence a little hard to easily parse. Thoughtstarter: If feels as if there is only the two of us.
It’s over. The teacher comes to her senses first by immaturely jumping up and down. “That's what I'm talking about—” Our classmates go mad, stomping, cheering, drowning her out. Score. Judge 1 – Jason 0.
Carrie’s still glowing. Taking her hand, I fleetingly press her slim fingers, arguably still in character. She snatches away a moment too late, though her puzzled eyes betray her staying when they stay locked on mine. I think we have lift-off.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Free sample chapters—click here for a PDF
I am not a fan of most writing books because they all seem to say the same things. "Show, don't tell." "Create believable characters." "Keep your plot interesting." Rhamey doesn't just tell you what to do, he shows you with concrete examples and a humorous touch. I learned more from this book than I have from all the other books on writing I've read so far combined. Writing Mom
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
© 2013 Ray Rhamey
Submissions invited: If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
Frankie sends a new first chapter for The Musubi Murder.
I turned my new desk fan up another notch, blowing papers every which way. The official word was that the climate control in the College of Commerce building was “undergoing repairs,” but no one believed that. Running the air conditioning costs a lot of money, and we’d just had another round of budget cuts.
Focus on the positive, I told myself as I straightened the papers back into neat stacks. Two thirds of my Intro to Business Management students hadn’t cheated on their first assignment. Anyway, I had already sent the academic conduct reports to Bill Vogel, our new dean. It was in his hands now.
The top item in my inbox was an email from one of my students—or, rather, someone who was apparently registered in one of my classes. I had yet to meet him in person.
Hey proffeser, I need to make up the assignment I missed. I couldn’t get the textbook cuz the bookstore is sold out. Thx, Joshua
The bookstore still had plenty of my assigned textbooks in stock, and I had placed copies on reserve in the library as well. I considered a number of replies, but my better angels prevailed and I wrote simply,
Dear Joshua,
Please refer to the course syllabus for the policy on late work.
Nope
Frankie continues to have an appealing voice and good writing. And, for this reader, a lack of tension--I can't think of a single story question that's raised in this page. More than that, there’s nothing that seems related to a murder here. Nor is there in the rest of the chapter. It does a good job of immersing us in this teacher’s life as she deals with an unethical dean and cheating students, but none of that is what the story is (I think) about—a murder. For me, it’s all well-done throat-clearing. I suggest finding the place where the teacher is first involved with the murder, make sure that her involvement causes a problem with serious consequences for her, and start there.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Free sample chapters—click here for a PDF
“I'm a rank newbie with just my first draft under my belt and a bad case of "Now what?" I've read many books on writing and editing, but Flogging the Quill is the first to give me hope that I may indeed be able to whip my creation into a novel-like shape. I especially recommend it for NaNoWriMo. FTQ makes an excellent read in December after the chaos of November fades. Ray shows you, very clearly and with humor, what needs to happen after 'The End.'” Elizabeth
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
© 2013 Ray Rhamey
I've been invited back to do two workshops at the San Miguel Writers' Conference in Mexico next year, and they asked if I'd like to create a new one to do along with my Crafting a Killer First Page workshop. You betcha!
I'll base it on the storytelling section in my book. Here's the "outline" with the chapter titles, and each title is linked to an online post of the chapter.
How to grab your reader on page one:
How to bait your hooks with tension:
How to create characters readers connect with:
How about helping me out with the title for the workshop? In the poll below are 4 alternatives PLUS the option to enter a suggestion.
Thanks in advance for your help.
Submissions invited: If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
Christopher sends the first chapter of Spiders.
The spider was huge. Black and thick-legged and evil. Okay, maybe not evil. It was just a house spider, after all. But as it hung there inverted on the miniature moonscape of the ceiling directly over his face, Spencer Waterman felt a rising sense of panic. He hated to admit it, but there it was: the tightening of the stomach, the urge to bolt from the couch right now, before that thing let go and plummeted downward, eight hairy legs outspread, to land in the middle of his face.
Spencer knew such a scenario wasn’t likely. He had observed countless spiders navigate countless ceilings and he had never seen a single one lose its grip. Ever. But still, it could happen. It certainly fell within the realm of possibility.
And this particular spider was just sitting there, directly overhead, as though it had just now realized it was too big to have any business crawling upside down across a ceiling. Because it was big. Even from something like nine feet away, lying there with his infant son BeeBee asleep on his chest, Spencer could see that the spider was unusually robust. The kind you could definitely feel if it was running across your naked arm or leg.
Or face.
He couldn’t take it anymore. The goddamn spider just wouldn’t move. Spencer was sure it was going to drop onto him at any moment, and knowing this he never took his eyes off it as (snip)
Yes, but . . .
Good voice, immediate tension, story questions—all things that got me to turn the page.Not knowing more about the story, here’s the “but”--with a title of Spiders it seems like something more about spiders will be forthcoming, but the rest of the chapter lets the tension ooze out until there was none left. Spencer gets off the couch, catches the spider and turns it loose in a shed, and the chapter ends with him feeding his baby and then going to sleep with no hint of story to come. Notes:
The spider was huge. Black and thick-legged and evil. Okay, maybe not evil. It was just a house spider, after all. But as it hung there inverted on the miniature moonscape of the ceiling directly over his face, Spencer Waterman felt a rising sense of panic. He hated to admit it, but there it was: the tightening of the stomach, the urge to bolt from the couch right now, before that thing let go and plummeted downward, eight hairy legs outspread, to land in the middle of his face. I’ll nit-pick. “Huge” is a conclusion word that doesn’t really describe the size of the spider. It does successfully communicate the character’s feelings about it, but the reader doesn’t know the reality. It would be easy enough to give the reader a size—since he eventually catches the spider in a jar, I suspect that its body was no larger than, let’s say, a nickel. I’ll quibble a little about the phrase “directly over his face”—that said to me that the spider was very close to his face, yet it turns out that it’s about 9 feet away. These are quibbles because I have to say that the writing in this opening paragraph did a fine job of creating mood and tension.
Spencer knew such a scenario wasn’t likely. He had observed countless spiders navigate countless ceilings and he had never seen a single one lose its grip. Ever. But still, it could happen. It certainly fell within the realm of possibility.
And this particular spider was just sitting there, directly overhead, as though it had just now realized it was too big to have any business crawling upside down across a ceiling. Because it was big. Even from something like nine feet away, lying there with his infant son BeeBee asleep on his chest, Spencer could see that the spider was unusually robust. The kind you could definitely feel if it was running across your naked arm or leg. Once again, a conclusion word (big) with nothing to give us a good image of the spider. At first I was imagining something as big as a tarantula, which truly is huge. But a house spider? I guess I’m feeling a little let down by the rest of the chapter, which not only didn’t pay off the spider but consisted of a fair amount of backstory. A story about spiders failed to show up.
Or face.
He couldn’t take it anymore. The goddamn spider just wouldn’t move. Spencer was sure it was going to drop onto him at any moment, and knowing this he never took his eyes off it as (snip)
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Free sample chapters—click here for a PDF
As an independent editor of book manuscripts, I feel compelled to say I think Ray Rhamey's "Flogging the Quill" is the best how-to book I've read about writing since I was assigned Strunk & White's "Elements of Style" in freshman journalism class 50 years ago. Especially useful for writers of fiction and memoir. I'm urging all my authors to get it.” Frank Zoretich
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
© 2013 Ray Rhamey
My monthly Flog a Pro post on Writer Unboxed is here. Take a look, give a vote.
Ray
Submissions invited: If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
Tony sends a revision of the first chapter of Lights Out (previous submission here).
The Fenway Park crowd stirred. Third day of the season and the taunting had already begun. A chorus of boos, forty-thousand strong, rained down on him but Danny didn’t hear any of it. He’d learned to tune it all out years ago. He rolled the baseball in his palm and stroked the raised seams. The fingers on his pitching hand were turning blue. The cold numbness returned. Danny focused his attention solely on his manager. He pounded the ball into his glove and retreated down the back side of the mound as Coley trudged up the hill. Danny hadn’t told him about the pain yet. Didn’t plan to. “Had a hard time getting loose, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“You lied to me.” Coley squirted tobacco juice through pursed lips, crossed his arms, and planted himself between Danny and home plate. “Again.”
“I’m throwing strikes.”
Lines creased between Coley’s eyebrows. “Three innings, six hits, two walks, four runs?”
“I’m pitching better than my numbers.”
“Unbelievable.” Coley shook his head, plucked a wad of tobacco from his bottom lip, and flicked it to the ground. “This is Kansas City all over again.”
Danny slipped his hand into his back pocket and juggled sunflower seeds until he found the talisman that the Haitian had given him. “This is nothing like Kansas City.”
“You got nothing on the fastball.” Coley thumped Danny’s chest. “You knew you were (snip)
Nope
I think Tony’s writing is good, I like the voice, and this opens with an immediate scene that has tension and conflict in it. In fact, it’s much the same as last time Tony sent it. Maybe I’m just less charitable this morning, but, despite the things I like about it, I didn’t turn the page this time, and I know why. Lack of stakes, of serious consequences.
While it’s clear that Danny might be pulled from the game, there’s nothing to indicate that it would be anything more than something that happens to pitchers all the time. They have a bad day, but they’ll be back.
No so here. As it turns out, if he can’t succeed in this game he’ll be sent to the minors, and that means he can’t pay for his daughter to get medical treatment that could save her life. There’s a lot riding on him staying in the game—but there’s no hint of that here, and that’s what cost Tony a page turn.
There’s a supernatural element to this story that used to be on the first page, and it was the page-turner element in the first submission. If the tension can be strong enough here, maybe he can still get to that element to crank up the interest on following pages.
I think this is a case of starting the story too soon. There’s a fair amount of backstory and set-up in the chapter, but we do manage to learn of what’s at stake. I urge Tony to look for a starting point that's after this chapter.
But I know that's hard for a writer to do. So, if you want to keep some of the good stuff in the first chapter, I’ve cobbled together pieces from the chapter to see if there’s a stronger opening page. It’s rough, but what do you think of this?
The Fenway Park crowd stirred. A chorus of boos, forty-thousand strong, rained down on Danny, but he tuned it out. The fingers on his pitching hand were turning blue. The cold numbness had returned. He pounded the ball into his glove and retreated down the back side of the mound as the manager trudged up the hill.
Coley squirted tobacco juice through pursed lips and beckoned for the ball. “You’re done. Gimmie it.”
“You’re making a mistake.”
“You’ve been in this game a long time.” Coley planted himself between Danny and home plate. “It’s a business,” he said. “You know how it works.”
“I do,” he said. “And I know what’s waiting for me.” His hand was ice cold and clammy—not good. “This ain’t a Kevin Costner movie. There’s no happy ending here.
“I’ll be sent down to Triple-A and a seven-hundred-dollar paycheck. I’ll be waiting for a call back up to the show that’s never gonna come.”
Coley said, “I know you’re worried about your little girl, but I got twenty-four other guys I’m responsible for. I gotta make decisions based on the good of the team, not one man.”
Danny shook his head. “There’s a new treatment . . . my option gets picked up she has a fighting chance.” He gripped the ball, his fingertips dug into the cowhide. “Leave me in."
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Free sample chapters—click here for a PDF
“I'm a writer want-to-be working on my first novel. I've read four creative writing books and I think that Ray's book has been the most helpful and easiest to understand.” HMS
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
© 2013 Ray Rhamey
I'm just starting the edit of a manuscript, and the author thoughtfully asked me before sending it if I wanted all of the novel in a single file--she had it as individual chapters. I said YES!
Which leads me to this post, a reprise of a chapter from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells that you may find helpful.
First, keep the entire book manuscript in one electronic file—it’s a huge time-saver. I know writers who use a separate file on their computer for each chapter of their book. Each of my novels is in one file—the whole thing. It would drive me nuts to have to open up, let’s say, a file for chapter 9 in order to check on information I needed for a scene in chapter 22—for example, maybe I need to make sure where I stashed a clue back in chapter 9 that now needs to be discovered in 22.
A file-per-chapter writer friend didn’t see how I could do it. The key is using bookmarks to navigate quickly and easily around a complete novel manuscript.
With the Microsoft Word and WordPerfect Bookmark tools, wherever you are in a manuscript you can insert a bookmark and easily come back to it from any other place in the manuscript. I used it frequently in putting this book together to jump from where I was writing to a previous section to check on something in another section. I’d insert the letter “a” as a bookmark where I was, go to where I needed to go, and then just use the bookmark to hop back. I use “a” because it comes up at the top of the bookmark list. And you can use it over and over—when I needed to do the same thing further on in the manuscript, the “a” was at the top of the list and it was simple to just select it, click “insert,” and have the “a” bookmark located in the new place.
Another use for bookmarks is when you’re deep into rewriting or polishing your book and it’s time to hang up your brain for the night, your eyes having become loose in their sockets. If you’re on, let’s say, line 16 on page 174 out of 263, the quick way to return to that exact spot is insert a bookmark—the letter “a” will do, or perhaps “here,” or whatever is easiest—save the file, and shut down. Next day, you can return to the exact spot you left off with a couple of keystrokes.
In Word you click Insert; click Bookmark; type in a letter or word in the Bookmark name box, then click the Add button. For some reason, you can’t use words separated by spaces—which leads me to sometimes insert bookmarks such as “describebarn” or “describe-barn” so I’ll know what it’s about. In WordPerfect, you click Tools, then Bookmark, then Create, which lets you type in a name and say OK.
When you next open your document, to go to a bookmark you type control+g (PC) or apple+g (Mac), select Bookmark in the dialogue box that pops up, select the bookmark you want (there’s a little arrow button to show a list of all bookmarks), click okay, and you’re there.
Many uses
Let’s say that you’re really struggling with a passage, or maybe just chugging through the narrative, laying track, and you know what you’ve just written will need more thought. You can bookmark it and move on, knowing you can return with ease. Using bookmarks, I will revisit material that needs honing a number of times until I’m satisfied with it. With a bookmark, it’s easy to go back and keep at it; without a bookmark, I suspect it would get far fewer visits and less thought.
Here’s another one: deep into the umpteenth rewrite of a novel, it came to me that I needed to add a key visual and emotional element to a character’s scenes in several places in the story. First, I inserted bookmarks at each scene where the new material was to be added (necklace1, necklace2, necklace3, etc.). Later, I jumped easily from one spot to another to make sure I had kept things consistent yet varied and had done all I needed to make the new material blend with the old. Because my first drafts tend to be on the lean side, bookmarking those additional bits of narrative enabled me to visit them after they’d cooled a little to see if they needed more work.
Because you can give each bookmark a different handle, another handy use is the ability to check back to important passages. This is especially useful for continuity checks. Let’s say that early in the novel you created a detailed description of a room, and the things in that room are important to your story when they come up again. Put a bookmark there (“the-murder” or “crimescene” or some such) and it’s easy to refer back and keep later references to that place accurate. This could be darned handy for clues in a mystery novel.
Bookmark the first page of each chapter to hop to one instantly. If you know you had Heather shoot the green bunny in chapter 4 but can’t quite remember the sequence of events when you’re referring to the shooting in chapter 16, it’s easy to check.
Marking a passage for later use or change is another bookmark use. In one of my novels, I planned to move the description I’d written for a character to an earlier chapter during the rewrite. I bookmarked that passage so that when I got to the new description point in the rewrite, I could jump there, cut the description from its page, then jump back to where I was (because I inserted a “here” bookmark before I left that point) and paste it in. No hunting, no searching for keyword strings, etc.
For what it’s worth
Ray
Free sample chapters—click here for a PDF
“A wealth of advice backed up by numerous examples and explanations. Ray doesn't just give you the "rules" of writing, but also gives you an understanding of why you shouldn't break the rules . . . and examples of times when it's a good idea to break them. Ray's book deals with storytelling, description, dialogue, techniques, words to avoid, and workouts that help writers to understand how to critique their work and others. He also delves into how to hook your readers and make them care about your story and its character through building tension, raising story questions, perfecting your narrative voice, writing with clarity, setting the scene, and developing your characters. This book is well worth the price of admission.” Joseph
Submissions invited: If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
A sends a short story, Mukti.
At dusk, when sunlight was fading, I decided the time was right.
My parents had gone to the coffee shop for a snack after a tiring day of playing tourists in a place we’d visited every summer since I was a child.
Alone in the hotel room, I sat at the window marveling at an expanse of green meadows veiled in the liquid shadows of snow-capped mountains and a setting sun. I watched the kites that dotted the skies, the shepherds calling to their herd, rose-cheeked women hurrying home in their woolen kimonos carrying bamboo baskets filled with bright red apples on their backs.
As I watched the world winding down, I realized, tomorrow would be my last shot at this. The thought had cropped up in my mind many times, but now it had taken over my entire being — a walk through the mountains that would wash away the evil and ugliness that filled every thought, every dream.
It was down to the final detail — timing. Vanish into the blazing rays of the rising sun, or the peaceful glow of the setting one?
Life had taught me that being in the right place at the right time or the other way round could change everything.
The evening was soothing, more feminine.
No.
There’s some nice writing here, a voice I like, but the challenge on FtQ is to compel a page turn. While there are hints that there is trouble ahead, there wasn’t enough in terms of what the character’s goal or need is, or what the stakes are. I scanned the story for a different opening, and learned that this takes place in Tibet and Mumbai. And it involves an arranged marriage and a rape. Aspects of those things on the first page might have helped. However, I suspect this is one of those that some will disagree with me on. Notes:
At dusk, when sunlight was fading, I decided the time was right. The time for what? When you’re in a close third-person point of view, it’s not really kosher to hold back things the character knows. In this case, it’s time for her suicide.
My parents had gone to the coffee shop for a snack after a tiring day of playing tourists in a place we’d visited every summer since I was a child. Where is the place? Later I learned that it was Tibet. An exotic location would have helped with the interest factor.
Alone in the hotel
room, I sat at the window marveling and marveled
at an expanse of green meadows veiled in the liquid shadows of snow-capped
mountains and a setting sun. I watched the kites that dotted the skies, the
shepherds calling to their herd, rose-cheeked women hurrying home in their woolen
kimonos carrying bamboo baskets filled with bright red apples on their backs. Nicely done description.
As I watched the world winding down, I realized, tomorrow would be my last shot at this. The thought had cropped up in my mind many times, but now it had taken over my entire being — a walk through the mountains that would wash away the evil and ugliness that filled every thought, every dream. Last shot at what? And what is the evil and ugliness? I understand you’re trying to tease us into the story, but I’d like to have a little substance to make the tease mean something to me.
It was down to the final detail — timing. Vanish into the blazing rays of the rising sun, or the peaceful glow of the setting one? Still unclear. “Vanish” could mean to run away or, as it turns out in this case, to die. Vague, it seems to me, is the enemy of tension.
Life had taught me that being in the right place at the right time or the other way ’round could change everything. Another hint to what happens later, but, since we don’t have a clue to what the change was, this lacked power for this reader.
The evening was soothing, more feminine.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Free sample chapters—click here for a PDF
“Flogging the Quill teaches true lessons about different aspects of writing, but in a way that is at once humorous and informative rather than a dry statement of facts. There are plentiful examples all throughout the book, as well as a place to practice what you've learned. In all, I highly recommend this book for people wanting to begin writing, or those who simply wish to learn how to improve their craft.” Arwen
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© 2013 Ray Rhamey