Submissions invited: If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
- Story questions
- Tension (in the reader, not just the characters)
- Voice
- Clarity
- Scene-setting
- Character
Bill has sent a rewrite of his opening for Numbered
Karen's family and my family are tight. Still, it was obvious her Mom was nervous having me about. She was polite, maybe overly so, but hovered, making excuses to pop in, so she could keep an eye on us, hear what we were saying.
Karen and I moved to the shade of the giant cottonwood in her front yard. "Sorry about that, Jacob," she said. "You're kind of a local celebrity."
"Local celebrity like Crazy Train Track Gary?"
"Yeah, like that." She smiled. "Mom's just nervous."
"I know. It's all right. You think she's watching out the window?"
"Maybe . . . probably. I told her you're better."
I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little bit to hear Karen say I was better, as if there was a point when I was psycho, but now had recovered. I don't expect everyone to understand, but Karen of all people should. She's the one who figured out how to capture the voices on her cell phone, actual documentation that I wasn't nuts, not entirely anyway. But I guess it gets complicated when your best friend's been accused of murder, so I'll let it slide.
"Yeah, I'm better, Karen," I lied. It was easier not get in to it. The curtains from the second story window moved an inch or so and I knew I was right about feeling watched.
Yes.
Good writing, an immediate scene, and good story questions raise—what are the voices? Who has been accused of murder? How will Jacob handle being thought of as crazy or dangerous? We can assume that Jacob will be involved with both. Nice work. Notes:
Karen's family and my family are were tight. Still, it was obvious her Mom was nervous having me about. She was polite, maybe overly so, but hovered, making excuses to pop in so she could keep an eye on us, hear what we were saying.
Karen and I moved to the shade of the giant cottonwood in her front yard. "Sorry about that, Jacob," she said. "You're kind of a local celebrity."
"Local celebrity like Like Crazy Train Track Gary?" No need for the repetition.
"Yeah, like that." She smiled. "Mom's just nervous."
"I know. It's all right. You think she's watching out the window?"
"Maybe . . . probably. I told her you're better."
I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little bit to hear Karen say I was better, as if there was a point when I was psycho, but now had recovered. I don't didn’t expect everyone to understand, but Karen of all people should. She's She was the one who figured out how to capture the voices on her cell phone, actual documentation that I wasn't nuts, not entirely, anyway. But I guess it gets complicated when your best friend's been accused of murder, so I'll I let it slide.
"Yeah, I'm better, Karen," I lied. It was easier not get in to into it. The curtains from the second story window moved an inch or so and I knew I was right about feeling watched.
Comments, please?For what it’s worth.
Ray
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please format with double spacing, 12-point font Times New Roman font, 1-inch margins.
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
- And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
© 2012 Ray Rhamey