Sorry I’m late, got involved in designing a postcard and bookmark for a book-design client this morning and didn’t look up until after noon.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
- Tension
- Story questions
- Voice
- Clarity
- Scene setting
- Character
Stuart has sent the opening to Guile and Spin.
“You’ll lose your job, Jeremy, and your present easy lifestyle will come to an end,” said my new boss, Sir Richard Gregory, as we paused at the doorway into the Star of Asia Restaurant in Moxham. “And the sports and leisure service of the whole county will go – unless you can succeed with a grant application. There is money available, but it’s cricket money.”
I recoiled from the mention of the sport. At school, I had never liked the hard ball. Although I had a job in sports centre management, I had contrived to keep as far away from cricket as possible. It was not relevant to me. It was too boring and horrible and hopeless a game. To try to save my own job by getting involved in cricket was an impossible idea.
“Look, I’ve invited some people here to help you,” he said, ushering me in ahead of him. Though yet early evening, the curry smell in the narrow restaurant was strong enough to have been brewing all afternoon. Red lamps on red-flocked walls bowed over the dozen or so tables down the room. A waiter took our coats with a quiet “please yes”.
There were three people at the table nearest the middle of the room. They were just finishing their starters of kebab and poppadoms.
“This is Claire. She is a new teacher at St Margaret’s Junior School.” He introduced a blonde in her early twenties. Her hair piled up, she wore a formal office suit.
Didn’t get me
The writing is good and clean, and the story does start with a scene, but I’m afraid it wasn’t a go for me. At my recent workshop I talked about how the first page foreshadows the rest of a book, and this first page does that for the first chapter, at least. For me, there was no tension here, nor was there a story question pertaining to the protagonist that I could see. I looked through the rest of the chapter. While there was an interesting portion where a cricket master illustrated different types of spin, I didn’t sense any particular trouble ahead for the protagonist, certainly not anything with gripping stakes. I’m guessing the story needs to start later.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred):
- your title
- your 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please format with double spacing, 12-point font Times New Roman font, 1-inch margins.
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
- And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait you turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
© 2011 Ray Rhamey