The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
- Story questions
- Tension
- Voice
- Clarity
- Scene setting
- Character
Elena has sent the prologue to The Unexpected,.
June 26, 2001
There is a saying that everything happens for a reason, but is that really true, or do things happen because of the choices we make prior to that point? For example, a dog gets hit by a car. What was the reason? Was the dog sick or mistreated at home and no longer suffers, or did the dog get hit because the owners never trained the dog to stay in the yard, thinking it was okay to let the dog wander as it pleased? After all, it’s only a dog and would rather chase a car then wait for it to go by. Who can really say why things happen?
Although, I’ve noticed over the years that there’s always a minimum of two choices one can make and based on what one chooses, two more choices present themselves. Another example: Should I stay in on Friday night or go out? If I stay in, should I watch a movie or read a book? Read what book? Do you see it? One decision leads to another and another and the trail goes back to before we made our own decisions.
Over the years I’ve made many decisions, and I am coming to see how they affect me today and every day. Decisions that I gave no thought to making like moving to New York, buying a used car from an ad in the paper, and not perusing Benji as more then my best friend are some of the decisions that hurt me later. Now what decisions do I need to make in pursuit of true happiness?
Hopefully, somewhere in these pages I’ll find where I keep going wrong. Am I making things (snip)
Nope
The writing is fine, not much to pick at there (except for the use of “then” instead of “than” in the third paragraph—I’m amazed at how often I see that). Maybe it’s just me, but this character’s ruminations on life didn’t approach compelling for me. I come to a story for, well, a story. I didn’t sense one here.
In reading further, I learned that this person has been laid off and is now taking time to “write my thoughts, memories, and my true feelings.” My question: why not her story? The prologue then goes into backstory with a description of her morning routine and then three weeks or so back in time to her getting fired. Since then she has been drinking wine and thinking.
Perhaps there is a story and this is just a long clearing of the throat. It would be interesting to see what the first chapter is like—mind you, not because of the prologue, though.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred):
- your title
- your 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please format with double spacing, 12-point font Times New Roman font, 1-inch margins.
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
- And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait you turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
© 2011 Ray Rhamey