Announcing my new book edit/design website
Book editing, design, and production is the total focus of my new website, Crrreative Book Editing and Design. Yes, the extra r’s are for my name. It’s a thing I do.
But “creative” is the operative word for what I offer. I won’t burden you here with why that benefits Indie authors and self-publishers, but I hope you’ll visit the website. There’s information there, it’s not all hype. I examine the challenges of designing for the Internet, and there’s a resources page with links to websites that can be useful to authors. “Design” includes interior design for print books as well as covers.
I hope you’ll visit. It’s a new site, so there are bound to be errors, so please let me know if you spot something dumb (there’s one link I haven’t gotten to work yet). Or if you have something to add. There’s a contact page and all that.
Workshops a'comin' This weekend I'm heading for Ashland, Oregon to do a presentation on self-publishing and then a workshop for the Southern Oregon Willamette Writers Association.
And on October 1st I'll be doing my killer first page workshop at the Write on the Sound conference in Edmonds, WA. Hope to see you at one of those venues.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
- Tension
- Story questions
- Voice
- Clarity
- Scene setting
- Character
Allan has sent the first chapter of Time of the Avatars.
Saturday: 1:12 A.M.
Twenty miles south of Moscow, the province of Podol’sk slept under a moonless sky. On a side street, greenish light glowed through the frosted cellar windows of the Anokhin Institute of Neurophysiology.
Lean and sinewy, Stepan Vasili floated in viscous solution that filled a transparent vertical cylinder at the basement laboratory’s center. A weighted belt supported his vertical position; straps held a cobalt-blue helmet in place and concealed his head and shoulders. He was in non-REM, a sleep stage characterized by decreased metabolic activity and slowed breathing and heart rate. Unlike ordinary sleep, he didn’t dream of his childhood in Minsk or his father’s beatings during his youth. Bubbles emerged from an overhead umbilical of plastic and metal tubing, giving him the appearance of a deformed insect larva. Black lines crosshatched his naked body, telemetric electrodes dotting their intersections. It would not have bothered him to see himself this way. An unwavering believer in the scientific method, he had neither the time nor patience for intrusive emotions.
Lights below him cast colorful ripples across the lab's cinderblock walls while gas hissed over a speaker-amplified heartbeat. Inside the headgear, electronic flickerings of the LCD-coated interior dimly lit Vasili’s twitching face. Although there was no dream content, a growing sorrow gripped him. He shook as deep sobs convulsed his body.
Yes for me
Strong, clean writing, an unusual situation that promises new experiences, and a character in trouble. Even though I don’t know the character well, I know enough that his troubles were not expected, and serious. I wanted to know more about what was going on and what would happen to him. While the science/sci fi nature of this story may not suit some folks, it worked for me. Notes:
Saturday: 1:12 A.M.
Twenty miles south of Moscow, the province of Podol’sk slept under a moonless sky. On a side street, greenish light glowed through the frosted cellar windows of the Anokhin Institute of Neurophysiology. The scene-setting has a nice ominous mood.
Lean and sinewy, Stepan Vasili floated in a viscous solution that filled a transparent vertical cylinder at the basement laboratory’s center. A weighted belt supported his vertical upright position; straps held a cobalt-blue helmet in place and concealed his head and shoulders. He was in non-REM, a sleep stage characterized by decreased metabolic activity and slowed breathing and heart rate. Unlike ordinary sleep, he didn’t dream of his childhood in Minsk or his father’s beatings during his youth. I didn’t feel that his body type was significant information and that it slowed the narrative from getting to the interesting part. I wonder if the vertical nature of this equipment and his position are important enough to add all that description about weights. We’re pretty familiar with transparent cylinders/isolation tanks and floating people from many movies, and the narrative could be brisker without that additional verbiage. Unless it’s key to the story and doesn’t violate the science, I’d change it and get rid of the weighted belt. Also, I changed the second “vertical” to avoid that echo. I added a paragraph break here for a couple of reasons. First, to break up that long block of copy. Second, the mention of his father’s beatings, a piece of strong characterization that was buried in the middle of all that text. At the end of this paragraph it has a better chance of being noticed.
Bubbles emerged from an overhead umbilical of plastic and metal tubing , giving that gave him the appearance of a deformed insect larva. Black lines crosshatched his naked body, telemetric electrodes dotting their intersections. It would not have bothered him to see himself this way. An unwavering believer in the scientific method, he had neither the time nor patience for intrusive emotions. It’s not the bubbles that create the insect-like appearance but the overhead umbilicial.
Lights below him cast colorful ripples across the lab's cinderblock walls while gas hissed over a speaker-amplified heartbeat. Inside the headgear, electronic flickerings of the LCD-coated interior dimly lit Vasili’s twitching face. Although there was no dream content, a growing sorrow gripped him. He shook as deep sobs convulsed his body. I felt that this one more piece of description, while clear, slowed us from getting to the part that creates tension and raises story questions. It’s not key to the story, so move it to later if you feel it’s necessary. Otherwise, it can go. Besides, we already know that there’s greenish light in the place.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred):
- your title
- your 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please format with double spacing, 12-point font Times New Roman font, 1-inch margins.
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
- And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait you turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
© 2011 Ray Rhamey