Internet Radio Interview This is my interview on the topic of my novel, We the Enemy. It’s about 13 minutes long.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.
Storytelling Checklist
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.
Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
- Tension
- Story questions
- Voice
- Clarity
- Scene setting
- Character
Steve has sent the first chapter of Cold Water Creek.
“You’re a fool if you think he would let something happen to this family,” she said.
I understood he was protecting the family but there had to be alternatives and I said so.
“You weren’t there,” she said, and she folded her arms across her chest.
There wasn’t much I could do. It was a moot discussion for something that happened so long ago and it was certain that I couldn’t travel back in time and fix it. I recalled my meeting with her doctor where he said her condition would worsen and before long she would not remember me. During the in-between there would experience periods of anger, resentment, and memory loss. It was obvious she could no longer manage independently and her recall of little things failed her. I was losing her, she was losing her mind. She was the only person I had left in my life.
I stepped toward the window and for a brief moment viewed the grounds in an attempt to calm down. It all seemed so peaceful: Tall oaks, birds feeding, blue skies; a beautiful day in paradise. A diametric proposition as Jimmy would call it. When I turned away from the window, the time to talk of things past had dissipated; she was smiling.
“Carter! You came to see me?” she said.
“Yes. I had some time this afternoon and I missed you.”
“Well, I have missed you too. Come give me a hug.”
Nope.
Plenty of positive things—opens with a scene, sets the scene, good, clean writing, likeable voice—but, for me, little tension. The scene opens with conversation about something we don’t know about, then the narrator says it was moot anyway, refers to Jimmy, someone we don’t know who is, and then begins a conversation all over again. While we can have sympathy for someone dealing with a sick mother (my assumptions, but that’s what it is), there wasn’t much in the way of story questions.
The chapter of 12 pages is mostly backstory. The narrator, a cop, tries to stop a bank robbery and is shot in the head. We learn about that, his wife, and a dream he’s been having since he was a kid. But still, as far as the reader knows, the story hasn’t really started yet. I have to assume it’s after he wakes from the coma he’s been in. I urge Steve to think about starting somewhere further down the road.
Comments, please?
For what it’s worth.
Ray
TweetSubmitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred):
- your title
- your 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please format with double spacing, 12-point font Times New Roman font, 1-inch margins.
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
- And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait you turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
© 2011 Ray Rhamey