From the Technique section of section of my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells: “Linger for involving storytelling.”
I took a course in literary manuscript development at the University of Washington from novelist Laura Kalpakian. She gave my storytelling high marks for dialogue, description, and pace—but she didn’t get enough from my narrative about the characters to truly involve her, to make her care. For her, my narrative was simply too lean at times for her to experience what was happening to the character in a way that connected with her.
Her wise advice: “Linger.”
The following paragraph comes from a writer’s sample that I critiqued in my blog. In the scene, a teenage boy is approaching a girl’s home for his first date with her, and he’s never been there.
Her mother opened the door as he approached. “Come right in. Kathy isn’t ready yet; it’ll be just a minute.” He found himself in the living room with her mother, father, and little brother. He tried not to say much, passing the time, trying to get through the ordeal without coming apart.
In this writer’s haste to get the boy and girl out the door and to their date, he’s missed opportunities to draw the reader into the boy’s story and build sympathy for his character, not to mention create tension and story questions about what’s going to happen. Anybody who’s been a teenage boy calling on a girl for the first time knows how tense the situation and the boy are. The narrative would be far better served with a brief scene instead of the summary done here. For example, just one of the rich possibilities to explore in a scene is the look the father gives the boy (for he would give him a look, I’m certain), and the boy’s perception/reaction to it.
Kathy’s father lowered his bushy brows and gave Jimmy a look that made him feel like he was lying under an X-ray machine. He jerked a quick little smile and blurted, “Pleased to meet you, sir.” Then he realized how stupid that was because nobody had actually introduced them. The sweat under his arms cranked up to a steady drip.
I would linger more in that living room to capture character and build tension. In this writer’s manuscript, all too quickly he had the teenagers escape the girl’s house and go to a dance in the high school gym. When they dance close, she gives signals of interest such as pressing tightly against him, and he becomes aroused. When they leave the dance, the writer gives us this:
At twelve, he guided Kathy to their coats and out into the frosty October air. The car heater kicked in nicely as they drove down Main Street and into the countryside. The farms they passed were dark. Jamie turned down a gravel road and slowed.
The night is frosty, but what else is there when they walk out of that gym? There’s no tension or anticipation in this expository paragraph, but great opportunity to build it. Is there a moon out? Mightn’t he gaze at her face and have some romantic/lusty thoughts as he takes her to the car? If it’s like any high school dance I ever went to back in the day, there are kids outside, some smoking, some necking. For example, what if we lingered just a bit like this?
At midnight, he guided Kathy to their coats and out into the frosty October air. Laughter and the sweet aroma of cigarette smoke wafted from three guys huddled beside a pickup truck. When Jimmy and Kathy passed a parked car with steamed-up windows, he heard thumping and the car rocked on its springs. He glanced at Kathy and found her gazing at the car. If only...
She looked up at him and grinned. She tiptoed and leaned against him to whisper into his ear, pressing her belly against his hand. “I don’t have to be home until one.”
Oh, man…
That little bit of description and action didn’t take many words, but you get a greater sense of place and time, and the sexual tension between the two is ramped up. As a result, the coming necking and petting when they park will be that much more meaningful.
Stay with scenes long enough to enrich them with “story meaning”—character emotions and reactions to settings and happenings that deepen the reader’s understanding and connection.
Lingering means:
- Take the time to let your characters come to life on the page.
- Bring them to life with action that characterizes and advances the story.
For what it’s worth
Ray
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