Miss Snark, agent extraordinaire, invited writers to submit 250-word "hooks" for their books to her Happy Hooker Crapometer. I sent in one for my current WIP, and thought it might be interesting to share my experience with you. I can tell you right now that a scroll through the nearly 700 submissions she judged will be worth your time, both for seeing what other writers do and her reactions to it.
First, Miss Snark did a marvelous favor for all the writers she critiqued, and I thank her for her fresh-eyes look at my piece.
To go through that many submissions, I'm sure she zipped through them, reading as rapidly as possible, reacting immediately with what popped into her mind, and then moved on. I calculated on one day that she was going through them at a rate of about 4 minutes each, including time to type and post a reaction. He pace was, I suspect, much like what happens when she deals with her regular query pile, though maybe not so fast as that. Incidentally, I was struck by the large proportion of SF/fantasy hooks. Which, as it happens, is not an area that Miss Snark works in. But she gave them her best shot, and asked for pages for some of them on the strength and likeability of the hooks.
I think I saw a pattern develop in most of the hooks she declared as
winners. They focused on a single character and succinctly related, in
"snappy" (and good) language, the troubles they encountered. Character
and story were all she wanted to see. The hooks were simple and linear,
and used enticing details
I point these things out because it's good to keep in mind that this is just one agent's opinion. And even then there were submissions that she liked that didn't follow the above-mentioned pattern. For you to emulate the entries she liked would not be a bad idea.
Mine, however, doesn't follow the formula. I posted it in FtQ recently but, for the sake of this discussion, here it is again:
What if what we think of as "magic" is real? Not the anything-is-possible sorcery of Harry Potter, but the control of a natural energy to cure illness . . . to "fly" . . . or to kill?
What does having that ability do to people? What happens if we discover them living in secret among us?
In FINDING MAGIC, Ailia, a healer, has that ability. So do the clans made up of her kin that hide from normal society, fearing persecution. And so does Gabriel River, a man who "sees" when people lie and has been isolated by his otherness since childhood.
Ailia is a woman who loves too much. Crushed by grief when her beloved husband is killed, she aims to end her life
-- but a pit bull of a Homeland Security agent discovers her "difference" and charges into pursuit.Fleeing to protect her kin, Ailia draws Gabe into her escape. He learns that he and his five-year-old son share the lineage that gives Ailia her abilities, a gift that's driving Gabe's son into autism. Ailia's heart goes out to the child, and her desire for life returns.
But then a clan leader, seeking revenge for the murder of his son by ordinary people, creates a plague to wipe out non-clan humankind. With Homeland Security closing fast, only Ailia, with Gabe's help, can stop the plague. She's forced to choose between living while others die and sacrificing her newfound life to save humanity from a gruesome death.
And here is Miss Snark's reaction:
Too many people roaming around to make this easy to follow. Give us the main person. If she's got magical abilities why does she fear persecution? Surely she can just blister any enemies with a sneer?
-- oh wait..thats Miss Snark! I meant to say blister her enemies with a wave of her hand.And you've got a lot of bad guys: homeland security, rival clan leader, a plague.
I'm not sure what "real magic" is exactly and this doesn't help me figure it out. ( I know poodles can fly; I've seen it. And if you think people can't fly you haven't seen Miss Snark on the rope line for the red carpet at: Oceans 11, Oceans 12, syriana, the good german, the perfect storm, good night and good luck..well, you get the idea.)
You said "what does having that ability do to people" but we don't see anything about what it's like.
Hmmm. It's a failure.
Or is it? The day after this hook flunked the Crapometer, an agent requested a partial in response to an email query based on that hook. Update: later I also received a request for a full. (Whew!) A great reminder of the individuality and subjectivity of this business. There is no one right way to query, or to hook, or to write a novel.
However, I have taken a look at another way to express the hook, mostly because I, too, responded to the way a number of the entries were crafted, and think I can do better.
But still, to consider the divine Miss Snark's comments . . .
Too many people roaming around? The hook alluded to only five, and named only two, the two protagonists. This is a novel, for heaven's sake. However, as noted before, Snark prefers to hear about just the "main" person's story. Simplicity. But what happens if you have dual protagonists as I do? Or, even worse, an ensemble cast? Complexity gets a quick no on the Crapometer, yet it can be a strength of a good story. I know, I know, we're talking about hooks here, but still . . .
Interestingly, her first question (about blistering enemies with magic) is a good story question. Why should all "magic" conform to the ho-hum usual myths? What's wrong with a different take on it? Perhaps to another agent, this would be a virtue. Who knows? And why should a hook explain the different approach?
On the other hand, it's a good point. I haven't even hinted at how my take on magic is different in a way that makes the character vulnerable, far more so than Harry Potter or any other fantasy-style magic wielder. I've since rewritten the hook and addressed that issue. I'll show that in a coming post.
I have to wonder what's wrong with a lot of bad guys? Doesn't that promise a lot of conflict? And there are only two antagonists, actually. That's a lot? Think "double the conflict." Or is this just a reflection of her wish to focus on one main character's story?
She's not sure what "real magic" is from the hook. I'm not sure it's the job of a query to spell out what it takes a whole novel to illustrate, but maybe there's a way to give a better idea. I also wonder if an agent who works in this genre would be more interested in a fresh take on "magic." But it wouldn't hurt, as noted above, to make it more clear.
I suspect that it was the sheer volume and the speed that she had maintain that caused her Snarkness to say that she didn't see anything about what "having that ability" does to people. Actually, the hook tells you that one character has been isolated since childhood because of it, and "that ability" is driving his son into autism. Even after reflection, that seems fairly clear to me.
On the other hand, if an agent wants a capsule of the story, I have to admit that I haven't done that very well. Mostly because I find that very difficult to do. I'll be posting a new version, and you can judge.
I recommend you visit the Snarksite and scroll through the hooks submitted and her comments. Highly enlightening.
In the next post I'll put up the comments Snark's readers posted about my entry. Not helpful, except in the way they illustrate the fickleness of subjectivity.
For what it's worth,
Ray
Free edit. Email a sample for an edit that I can post here.
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© 2007 Ray Rhamey