Janine writes this:
"Question - what if the writer wants to use a more middle to distant 3rd person POV for the express reason of being able to say -
"He's a hunk, she thought, leaning her elbow on the bar and twirling the olive in her martini.
"Is this also permissible? Is it more important to stay in one consistent POV (close or distant) OR to just get in close and stay close?"
First, what I think is important: maintaining a consistent point of view within a scene, whether close or distant or in between. There's no problem with changing point of view within a chapter, as long as it's done consistently, and with clear transitions. Here's an example from my WIP. I'm going to truncate it for simplicity.
I mount the flight of steps that rises to the Institute doors and come upon a narrow man in a black overcoat who aims a small video camera my way. I see his lips move, and the wind carries his words to my ear.
He says, "I think I got one."
Curious, I pause and look behind me. No one is there, no thing of interest. Shielding my face with my scarf, I shift my gaze to the man, and he jerks the camera away to pan across the front of the Institute. I believe he seeks to conceal his purpose from me.
But what does it matter? It can have nothing to do with me.
* * *"Lieutenant!" The whispered word shivers in KB Volmer's earpiece. "I think I got one."
Oh, damn, not now! Not right in the middle of
-- "Lieutenant, where are you?"
KB isn't about to tell him she's enthroned on the john. "Ah, lower level, Michigan Avenue side." Her voice sounds too high, and she wonders if he'll figure out why it echoes.
The whisper comes again. "Damn, it's looking at me."
Her mind snaps into focus. There's only one thing he can be talking about.
Okay, that deals with shifting point of view within a chapter. As you see, in addition to an "action transition" and echoing a line of dialogue, I used a line break with three centered asterisks to signal the reader. This seems to work well.
I should add this: Janine asks about what is "permissible." I think it's important to keep in mind that there are no rules. Everything is permissible. You do what you feel you need to do to give the reader the experience you're trying to achieve. While there are no rules, however, each techinique or approach creates effects or results, and that's what you need to be aware of.
The distance question: I think Janine's example. . .
He's a hunk, she thought, leaning her elbow on the bar and twirling the olive in her martini.
. . . is actually still a very close third person. Whenever I see "she thought," I feel I'm right inside the character's skull. Can't get any closer.
But varying distance is a good idea. There are times when a scene needs to be set, and you need to start with what the movies call an establishing shot. Here are some notions on how to do that. Once more, from the WIP, the very opening paragraph:
Although the occasional muttering madman in Central Park can be irritating, after walking New York City's reeking streets, Graeme and Ailia are willing to risk an encounter in exchange for a cleansing breath of nature. They stroll onto the park's trampled lawn and meander past stands of trees bright green with new spring leaves. But images of polished marble and welded metal at the Met still flicker through her mind. Ailia says, "I thought the new sculpture exhibit was excellent."
Actually, this was written in first person, but I shifted it to third to illustrate. The first sentence and a half are fairly distant, allowing you to "see" the context of the scene. But then it zooms in to a character's thoughts, effortlessly bringing you close.
By the way, a technique for making sure you're maintaining a close, consistent point of view is to write it as though you were in the first person. While I've seen head-hopping in a first-person narrative, it is unusual. You can even write a scene in first and then convert to third.
Another distance example, this time from my novel, We the Enemy, currently being offered by my agent:
Jake scanned the Chelsea's lobby, his years of experience alert for body language that signaled a threat.
The usual high-priced hookers littered worn, red velvet furniture with all the glamour and finery of models posing for a fashion shoot. The usual bellboys idled, and the usual executives eyed the usual high-priced hookers. Except for a long table featuring posters of a gray-haired man, nothing seemed other than ordinary.
The long table was womanned by three cheerful-looking fems ranging from twenty-five to forty. The youngest
-- red-haired, trim and smiley and pretty-- accosted people with handfuls of material while the other two helped lines of lively men and women register for something. Signs on the table told Jake to "Get information about the Alliance here."A faint memory surfaced; some kind of cult out West?
Paragraph by paragraph, the point of view moves from:
- Close: we're in Jake's head, scanning the lobby, knowing his intent. Also, this tells the reader immediately whose pov they're in. I recommend establishing that asap at the beginning of a chapter or scene with a new point of view.
- Distant: we "see" the occupants of the lobby.
- Distant to close: first the activity at the table (distant), and then closing in to Jake's pov with what a sign tells the character.
- Very close: we're in Jake's head, experiencing a memory.
Changing distance in point of view is, I believe, a good idea. For one thing, staying deep in a character's mind all the time could become claustrophobic at times, depending on the skill of the writer.
And varying distance grants flexibility, gives the author the tools to show both scope and intimacy as needed to best create an experience in the reader's mind.
For what it's worth.
Questions? Comments?
Ray
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© 2006 Ray Rhamey