Flogging the Quill

Enhance tension and dimension with multiple viewpoints

I use multiple viewpoints in all of my novels. I tried limiting viewpoint to just one character in a first-person coming-of-age novel, and it worked okay. But okay wasn't good enough -- there was another fascinating character, the female protagonist, that the reader in me wanted to know more about.

What the heck, it's only writing, right? I converted the entire novel to third person, changed a few chapters to the girl's viewpoint, and added new chapters for her. For me, the result was a much more satisfying reading experience. And I wasn't the only one. That novel now has a special place in my agent's heart (yes, they do have them) and he's determined to find a publisher for it even though it's a tough one to place.

And here's what a contest judge said about that novel in a critique:

"Switching viewpoints between Jesse and Lola is a nice touch that gives the reader a wonderfully shifting perspective on the other characters."

Here's what Donald Maass, fiction agent extraordinare, has to say about multiple viewpoints in his book, Writing the Breakout Novel. After acknowledging that many bestsellers offer a single pov and that many failures work with multiple viewpoints, he says:

"That said, I must admit there is something satisfying about reading novels with multiple points of view. These views provide diversion from, and contrast to, the protagonist's perspective. They can deepen conflict, enlarge a story's scope, and add to a novel the rich texture of real life."

Having multiple viewpoints can enhance tension and "page-turnerness," too. Naturally, even with a single viewpoint you strive to end each chapter with a cliffhanger, a quivering, compelling story question of some kind. But how much better it can be if you take your reader to that point of tension…and then break away to another character altogether! I think the phrase is, "leave them hanging." And hang they do, the tension you've established waiting, pacing the floor of the reader's brain pan, eager for what's going to happen next.

But the plot thickens around the new viewpoint character, too. While the tension from character One is throbbing for release, you take character Two to a cliffhanger…and leave the reader hanging there, too! Now you have tension times two.

That's with just two characters. If you have more than two -- in the two novels of mine that I consider the most successful, one is told from the viewpoints of five characters and the other from four -- you gain immense flexibility. You can leap from one cliffhanger and back into the story of character One…or go to character Three…or, if the needs of the story demand it, stay with character Two for one more round.

A caution for novice writers: using multiple viewpoints does NOT mean springing from one viewpoint to another in the course of a scene. Called "head-hopping," that's a quick way to tell an editor that you're an amateur. Now, I know that a number of novels do this, especially in some romance novels, but that doesn't mean it's good storytelling.

A good guideline is to wait to shift to another character's viewpoint after a chapter ends. The break is clear and clean, and it's easy (with the right transition) for a reader to shift gears.

Or you can shift viewpoints after a scene ends. I've found helpful for the reader to add an extra line break with three centered asterisks to help clue the reader that things are a'changin'.

I also believe, if skillfully done, that you can shift viewpoints within a scene, too, and enrich the narrative. Here's an example drawn from my work in progress. Note that I'm using a couple of other techniques not recommended for the novice: I'm writing in the present tense. There is actually a technical, storytelling reason for doing this that has to do with how the novel ends, but I also like it for the sense of immediacy.

The second thing is that my primary protagonist tells her story in first-person narration, and I tell the stories of the other characters in third-person. These two techniques were a little off-putting for some of my critique group members at first but, once into the story, they're fine with it.

So, here's the end of narration from one viewpoint and a shift into a second. This is from a scene in the second chapter. We are in the Chicago Art Institute. Some things you need to know: the first character wields a kind of magic to disguise herself with an illusion she refers to as a "glamére" because she and her race fear being discovered … and she's received unsettling attention from a man with what looked like a video camera when she entered the Art Institute. She can also "see" aura colors that reveal the nature of a person's thoughts, in this case, deception. Oh, and the protagonist is severely depressed and contemplating suicide (the reader knows all of this at this point).

Hurrying footsteps sound behind me and I turn and see a thick-bodied female museum guard hurtle up from the lower-level stairs. She stops abruptly, then sends her gaze on a hunt through the Art Institute lobby. I've never seen an Institute guard hurry -- they are usually older people who meander, wearing bemused half-smiles, lucky to be paid to spend their days surrounded by treasure.

This guard is far younger. Broad-shouldered. Short black hair. Pale skin. Now that I focus on her, I see that she radiates threads of deception. And she, too, carries a video camera. A guard with a video camera?

Does she seek me? Perhaps my leper glamére is too grotesque and the cashier alerted the guard. Maybe I went too far, letting the ugliness inside me show so malignantly.

The guard's attention unnerves me, so I hurry on, considering what countenance to adopt next. Something innocuous. I just want to be left alone.

* * *

KB sees a tall, hooded figure in a long coat heading away from her, down the hall with the knights in it. The person glances back, and then increases speed.

KB glimpses a brown-skinned face and swallows hard. Where a nose should be is a gaping wound, surrounded by angry lesions on cheeks and forehead. Nausea rises in her throat; she fights it off. The face is inhuman. Now fear prickles her skin. What if the Others aren't human? Nobody'd thought about running into ET. She aims her thermal imaging camera down the corridor. A bright glow flares in the viewfinder. Gotcha!

Reflex sends her hand inside her coat; the Walther 9mm automatic is there, snug in its holster. She can handle whatever the Other is. She steps out in strong strides and hustles after her quarry. She'd like to run, but doesn't want to alarm her. It.

You be the judge (of course you will). I think the switch here -- and remember, we'll have been in the first character's viewpoint for several pages, this is just the tail end -- gives the reader a much richer appreciation of what's happening and how it's affecting the two characters involved.

If you want another example, visit the first chapter of my novel We the Enemy, which was just rewritten thanks to the input of several Flogging the Quill readers. The first chapter alternates between two points of view -- the male and female protagonists -- and, in my view, gives you a good idea of whose story it is and raises all kinds of interesting story questions.

Extreme care is needed, though, in your transitions from one viewpoint to the next. The first sentence of the new viewpoint narrative has to make it perfectly clear that you've shifted.

For what it's worth.

---

A plug for a pal.

One of my critique group members, Bharti Kirchner, has a dandy article in the current issue of The Writer magazine. Her writing is always delightful, putting you right there. In her article you learn about how she learned the lesson of show versus tell from examples taken from her first published novel. For a good lesson or reminder, see what she has to say.

Later,

Ray

Free edit in exchange for posting permission. You send a sample that you have questions about and of which you'd like an edit. I won't post it without your permission.

© 2005 Ray Rhamey

Learn to love the knife

I hope you've followed the recent round of input and revisions on one of my novels because it relates to what I do as an editor and what you do as a writer -- make that rewriter.

Perhaps it's due to my many years in advertising, but I have absolutely no fear of ditching a creative effort and revising or coming up with something new. Especially now, in the computer age, when the original is perfectly preserved as I work on one or more alternates. There is absolutely no excuse for not taking a knife to a narrative and exploring the consequences.

Here's a major reason why: if you're going to get anywhere with writing a compelling, salable novel, you need to learn learn learn. For this writer, the only way to absorb, in a meaningful way, the consequences of scrapping an opening chapter or two is to give it a try.

By "meaningful," I mean that it makes sense to me at a gut, functional level. As I worked at learning the craft, I read handfuls of how-to books, yet all that expert input never affected my approach to writing until after I'd written a novel. Only then could it start to inform what and how I wrote. For this writer, it's not theory that teaches, but experience. Trial and error that leads to trial and success.

As mentioned in an earlier post, a writer recently backed away from an edit because I suggested that the story's compelling opening came many pages into the narrative. I sincerely hope the writer will reconsider and try loping off all that set-up and starting with tension. And then weave the expository stuff into later narrative.

I know it can be done. I've done it on three of my novels now, thanks to the insights provided by fresh eyes. Most recently, a tip from a critique partner had me sharpening my electronic knife, slicing a chapter into three pieces and then, with hard-learned rewriting skills, suturing them into different points along the narrative path. The result? A strong increase in conflict and escalation of tension.

In the recent rewrite of my novel, We the Enemy, my agent liked the new beginning so much (which was actually pretty much a former one he'd never seen) that he fired it off to an editor at Mariner Books. Cross your fingers for me.

So, as long as you can do a "save as" and keep the old version, why not explore "extreme" revisions? Even if they don't work, I guarantee you'll learn something. And I think the only way to a compelling, publishable novel is through constant learning, constant refinement of your storytelling craft, constant honing to finally create a story that compels the turning of your pages.

That's what it's all about, isn't it?

For what it's worth.

Ray

Free edit in exchange for posting permission. You send a sample that you have questions about and of which you'd like an edit. I won't post it without your permission.

© 2005 Ray Rhamey

Case study: a radical storyectomy

Okay, here's a wrap-up of the input I received on the first four chapters of my novel, We the Enemy (they are posted here).

• Matt didn't see how I could put chapter 1 later in the book (because of how it set up the story), but was hooked by Jake's story in chapter 2.
• Kate felt I needed chapter 1, thought it framed the story -- but was too long. She wasn't all that enamored with Jake in chapter 2. Didn't see much action or tension there, either.
• Robin sorta thought the story should start with chapter 1 but, when she glanced at the first two chapters as if she were in a bookstore, chapter 2 grabbed her better.
• Anonymous said to switch 'em -- chapter 2, she felt, started immediately with a conflict and threw the reader straight into the action.
• Diana said drop 1 altogether, that 2 hooked her immediately and set a scene.
• Sandra noted that chapter 1 was set-up, with no escalating tension. Chapter 2 introduced Jake, but not in a positive way. Chapter 3 was more set-up, and she wondered whose novel it was because there had been 4 points of view. Chapter 4 was where the drama was.
  

Backstory: the novel originally started with what had become chapter 4. Some critiquers had wanted more on Jake earlier, so I moved the dream sequence up to start the novel, hoping to suggest a man in pain. Then I worked with an assistant agent at a top literary agency who was interested in the novel but gave editorial input on what he felt were shortcomings, and chapter 1 was born, as well as other new material throughout the book. He was a great help…but one thing I wouldn't do was a change he wanted in Jake's character, so the agent and I never got together.

The resulting novel was better, and strong enough to land my agent. But something kept nagging at me. It wasn't right. And Sandra pinpointed the problem: no escalating tension in chapter 1. Where's the beef? Wasn't any.

More than that, I realized that I was starting the novel with plot…but what interests me, and what I think the novel is really about, is the two protagonists -- Jake and Jewel.

So how did I deal with all of the above?

• I cut chapter 1…but the meat of the rose-garden scene is in chapter 6.
• Chapter 2 is cut…but the dream sequence shows up in the opening of chapter 6, and the tv story about road tag appears in chapter 11.
• Chapter 3 is now chapter 2.
• Chapter 4 (remember, the original opening of the novel) is now chapter 1, but it starts with the last paragraphs of old chapter 2 -- where Jake wakes and prepares for a meeting. You know who this novel is about after reading the new chapter 1, too, because it brings Jake and Jewel together and promises further involvement.
  

This was a serious storyectomy. But it was not only easy to do, thanks the freeing insights of readers, especially Sandra, it was fun. I still have all that nice writing and work that were in the original draft, still doing the storytelling that needs to be done. I haven't lost anything, and now the novel starts with a chapter that definitely has escalating tension.

Sidebar: Kate, who generously gave me thoughtful input, also asked me to do a sample edit of her novel's opening chapter. She had very nice writing, requiring a light editing touch, but her first chapter had the same problem -- no escalating tension. I advised her to start the novel with a wonderful dramatic scene that occurred in her chapter 2 and then add in the material in chapter 1 later. She decided that we couldn't work together because I didn't share her view of the story and she feared that I would stifle her "voice." Actually, I wouldn't have touched what I understand to be her voice, and most of the material would still have been in the novel, just in a different place. I hope she checks out the revision and see how a storyectomy can work.

All in all, a very satisfying experience for me. Now I'll see what my agent thinks. The manuscript is on the desks of editors at Farrar, Straus & Giroux and Atrium and I wonder if I can talk my agent into resubmitting the revised manuscript. That would be, apparently, contrary to standard operating procedure. But I think it's worth the effort.

If you're interested in the outcome, you can find the "new" first 4 chapters here. Because the first 4 chapters in this version include 2 complete chapters of new story, those who read the original version will find that this one takes you much deeper into the story much more quickly. These chapters, by the way, are the equivalent of 30 manuscript pages.

If you check out the rewrite, I'd appreciate your thoughts. This has been instructional for me, and I hope it has for you. And maybe I learned something about myself as a writer -- to trust my instincts for launching a story with momentum and tension. Set-up, I've learned, isn't hard to weave in later. A ripping good start, however, is a lot harder to come up with.

Thanks for the help, both past and future.

Ray

Free edit in exchange for posting permission. You send a sample that you have questions about and of which you'd like an edit. I won't post it without your permission.

ARCHIVES .

© 2005 Ray Rhamey

What's the weakness in my novel's opening?

When I started Flogging the Quill I had no idea that the biggest benefit would be the help I've received from readers. It started a couple of months ago when I asked for critiques on the first chapter of my novel, We the Enemy. Reader insights helped me rewrite the chapter. I felt it was much improved.

But something nagged at me. I felt the opening of the novel fell short, but couldn't see why. Time for fresh eyes -- I put the first four chapters online and asked for critiques. I got some good stuff and have done a fairly significant rewrite (which, interestingly enough, got me back to almost exactly the original opening, which had become the third chapter).

Just as the input was instructional for me, it could be for you, too, so I'm posting it. I'm letting the rewrite chill for a few days but, if I continue to like it, I'll link to that later. If you haven't read the chapters in question, they are posted here.

From Matt: Assuming that the efforts by President Grant and Kurt are the events that drive the action of the novel, I don't see how you can put chapter one later in the book. Having said that, I was more interested in Jake's story. By the end of chapter 1 I don't sense that the problem of the Alliance is significant enough for the president, or for Kurt. These men must face organized political opposition all the time. With a 3-vote electoral college margin, the President had to expect that opposition to his re-election would be a problem. So how is the Alliance any different than past political obstacles? Now if the Alliance was threatening what was previously a very significant electoral college win (and the President was feeling comfortable that re-election was not going to be a problem and now the Alliance in a few short years has emerged as a real threat to what was a seemingly insurmountable majority) then maybe the tension is higher.

Also the threat to Kurt's desires is weak. "Now it's a lot like work" doesn't make me think that the consequences for Kurt are great. If Kurt is seeing very dramatic drop off in membership and dues so that the existence (or influence) of the NRA was significantly at risk this would also. The bullet from the militia guy is threatening but I was troubled with why not send the bullet to the Alliance leadership directly?

So, coming out of chapter 1, I see what the problem is, but I don't feel the problem is big. Then I get into Jake's chapter and I am hooked by the immediacy of his pain and I am sucked into his story. I would keep reading to find out about Jake, but maybe not so much to find out about the President/Kurt. If Jake is to be the central character in the book then start with him, and have the Atty. General's call wake him and then get into the Presidential plot (or have Jake slowly uncover the plot as the story progresses). If Jake is not the primary protagonist, you may want to introduce him a little later, and spend more time establishing the "Big Problem".

I hope this is helpful. It has certainly helped me think about story structure. You are very brave to put work out for public comment. Thanks.

Several people commented that I was "brave" to expose myself to comment. Hmm. Does that say something about how they feel about critiques? For me, bravery isn't involved because it's not about me but about words on paper.

From Kate: This looks to be an engaging thriller with some fascinating characters -- the kind that have some depth to them. You're off to a rousing start.

I think you need chapter one for two reasons. First, it provides a frame for the rest of the story -- a big picture overview that helps me understand later chapters. And, secondly, people simply LIKE reading well -- written scenes that feature power figures, especially when the power figures are contemplating dirty deeds. So I'd leave it. But it's too long, and some of the mystery of a powerful man is lost when we dwell on him too long. I see your chapter one as being quite short -- even something like a prologue. I believe you can drop some of the stuff about the Alliance -- work that in later. Love the bit about stomping on the flower bed. Very well done.

I am more worried about the chapter on Jake Black. It's short on action (not good in a thriller) and therefore somewhat short on tension. I am not very interested in a drunk guy, even if he has ghosts that cause him to drink. Let me care about him first (if you intend for me to care) and then give me his ghosts. I'd be really wary of putting a dream in, especially so early. Some people think that's deadly. Is there a way to move the later section that features Jake up here? That one is excellent and full of tension.

From Robin: Good job. You've created strong, memorable characters and you have a nice feel for settings. You've intrigued me without teasing too much.

As far as starting with Chapter 2 instead of Chapter 1 - my first instinct was that you shouldn't do it.

I really liked this paragraph from the beginning of Chapter 2, though:

"His picture window, blinded by the night, portrays a black void where Lake Michigan sloshes far below. Nearby high rises and ant trails of car lights on Lake Shore Drive add random glitter. The view costs extra, but it's a waste; nothing much touches him these days."

Nicely done. I just don't know if it's as powerful as starting out in the rose garden with the president. All things presidential seem to evoke strong emotions in most of us, I think. Plus, having your character talk to the president as a friend gives the reader an additional vicarious thrill. I'm afraid that starting with the description of the Tagger phenomena, and then the dream about the shooting of Black's wife might almost smack of gimmicky or sensationalist for some readers. (It can be a thin line, can't it?) I'm not saying the scenes are too sensationalist to have in the book, I'm just saying that my first instinct was not to knock the reader over the head with them right away. The chapter about the president sets up the story, and it also sets up trust in you as a writer. It's like the difference between drinking too much at a fancy restaurant and drinking too much in a back alley. When you put your fancy clothes on first and have candles on the table - it just doesn't seem as bad for some reason. Chapter 1 puts us in the fine restaurant - Chapter 2 serves us the second bottle of wine. We feel safe enough to have a little too much. I hope that makes sense.

Now I'm going to ruin it by saying that after I let it all stew for a while, I wasn't as sure. Maybe we have to start with a bang. I tried glancing at both openings as I would in the bookstore - and it was the second chapter that grabbed me better. Maybe that trumps all.

From anonymous: I think you might be wise to swap 'round your opening chapters, as you suggest.

I noticed that chapter one has lots of verbs like "stops", "ambles", etc. It reads "slower" than chapter one. I liked the ending: the president snipping off the rosebud. Perhaps you could increase the conflict by having a thorn scratch Kurt?

Chapter two seems to start more immediately with a conflict and throws the reader straight into the action.

I loved this from chapter four:

…she sees Murphy. He's like a big, round boulder parting a stream of girly secretaries cramming in a buzz of noontime shopping…

From Diana: Drop one is my opinion. C2 hooked me in immediately and set a scene -- and the following chapters seem to move better (more in sync).

From Sandra: I was surprised you were thinking of moving things around because the ms is already out there on submission. (Yeah, but maybe there's a reason it hasn't grabbed an editor yet, so why not keep pushing? Hey, this blog is about Flogging the Quill.))

Structurally, chapter 1 is set-up. You're setting the stage and the stakes. But there's no dangerous action or escalating tension in the scene, just the promised drama of "whatever it takes."

Chapter 2 introduces Jake, but not in a positive way -- he's drinking heavily, perhaps wallowing in his grief. The dream sequence is interesting, but if we don't really know Jake, are we interested in his dreams? Jake's not in any kind of danger, he's not facing any immediate conflict. His problem at the end of the chapter is that he doesn't want to wear a suit.

Chapter 3 is all about Marion and Bobby, and more set-up. It was about now that I wondered really, whose novel this is, because we've had four points of view in three chapters.

Chapter 4 is where the drama is! It's got Jewel (a fifth POV) and drugs and street crazies and Jake as the enigmatic hero. I have some plausibility questions -- it seemed to me that Jewel would be smarter than to troll around in dangerous neighborhoods (and I thought she was in a good one), and I'm not sure that she would dash after Jake at the end to tell him thanks. She's just been almost raped, there's been gunfire, get yourself to safety. I don't think pedestrians would ignore a woman in the gutter, even in this world you've set up, because human nature loves to watch a train wreck.

So, anyway, structurally, that's how I see these chapters. If you agree, where would you advise yourself to start? I don't know if the whole novel is set up as these rotating POV's, but I want to follow Jake and Jewel and perhaps Marion, not the others. You could cut chapter 1 to a 2 page prologue, cut to chapter 2 with Jake waking up from his nightmare, cut to Jewel, and then deal with Marion and Bobby (perhaps) when Jake actually enters the hotel. But that's just an idea.

Many thanks to each of you -- each crit helped free me from my blinders. The input that opened my eyes the most? The last one. Next post: what I did with all this.

Ray