Change in flogging focus:It occurs to me that free books have a very low bar to clear for making a “sale,” and their first pages don’t have to do much to clear that hurdle. But ask me to pay for a book? There’s a challenge. So I’m switching to flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ variety. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here are the first 17 lines of the prologue for Our Daughter’s Bones, a mystery. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
Her tiny feet slapped the pebbled road. Her pigtails swayed wildly. Her rasping throat felt parched, and her lungs burned. The back of her neck was coated with a sheet of sweat. If she focused hard enough, she could feel a drop trickling down her back.
She ran like a bullet leaving a barrel, like a lioness chasing her meal. A simmering ache burst in her thigh.
The modest two-story house came into view. Mackenzie Price came to a grinding halt.
Nestled in a corner plot, Mackenzie’s home was not spectacular. It was ugly and pitiful. It was all they could afford in the strange town of Lakemore.
She stood, catching her breath. She looked at her flip-flops, dangling from her fingers caked in mud. Her mother would be mad. But she could handle her.
It was her father that made her hesitate and say a silent prayer before she entered the house.
The lights were out. Were they not home? They never went out. Were they asleep? It was too early.
Unless Dad had too much to drink again, and Mom cried herself to sleep.
The little garden outside their home was a reflection of how their life was inside. Messy and dry. The front yard was inconveniently small, with patches of overgrown grass in an (snip)
You can read more here. This novel earned 4.4 stars on Amazon. The writing is interesting—I loved “ran like a bullet.” But proceed with caution in case it becomes too stylistic to deliver the story. The character, one assumes a child (the tiny feet and worry about mom) faces jeopardy in going home due to her father’s drinking. One thing about that, though—“tiny” made me think of a small child, perhaps in the range of 3 to 5, but she is actually 12, not a small child. You know trouble will be there, just not what. And you sense that it will hurt her, too. I did have a “what happens next” response to this opening. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
The vivid colors in the cover are eye-catching, and the lone building creates a sense of mystery for me. The title, which I think is terrific, is good and strong, and the author has appropriate strength. I was drawn in by this cover. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.