Free FtQ chapter—get the word weeder out

From the Words section of section of my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells: “Weed out weak, wasted, and wrong words.”

It’s a cliché, it’s a truth: Every word counts. Reading and imagining and experiencing your narrative is a cumulative process. Meanings and usage add up, bit by bit, into gestalts that insert what’s happening to the character into your reader’s mind.

Weak words fail to deliver vivid pictures and actions—do you want that? Waste words take up space and slow the pace—and are among the first discouraging things a professional spots. Even worse, wrong words, words used in an incorrect way, confuse your reader and take them out of the story, not to mention costing you credibility and suspension of belief. Yet the manuscripts of novice writers are filled with just that. Here are some of the worst offenders.

-ing

Let’s start with half a word. “Inging,” over-use of the present participle, frequently slows pace and mushes meaning. More often than not, “ings” should be “eds” for crisp writing.

She was polishing her glasses as she searched for the right words. I think this is passive and slow to create a picture in the reader’s mind. Much more to the point, and quicker to create a picture, is:

She polished her glasses as she searched for the right words.

Examples from samples I’ve received:

The rain was turning into snow as they drove. (turned)

Dylan was circling the cabin. (circled)

Joanne was hoping that she would get to see her family skiing. (hoped, ski)

Bob was getting more and more nervous. (grew)

“No,” the heavy woman said, rummaging through the shopping bag she was carrying. (carried)

Lulu was feeling tipsy. (felt)

There are times, though, when “ing” (for me) helps convey an ongoing process. For example, consider “Thinking of his face, she hesitated.” versus “She thought of his face and hesitated.” For me the first version puts a thoughtful look on the character’s face and creates a pause in whatever she’s doing, and the second version is just action.

some

A waste word, a verbal habit something like the “uh” many people use in speech. A few examples (I almost said “some,” but that was so vague); see how cutting the “somes” costs nothing yet makes the sentence crisper.

Married women always wore some bangles around both their wrists.

Do you have some pressing business?

My big band attained some modest local fame and national press.

There was some movement as the crocodiles attempted to steer clear.

She had some packing to do.

Some tantalizing smells were wafting towards them from across the river. (and let’s change were wafting to wafted)

He had to have some new tires installed.

very

Another waste word.

William was one of very (the) few who knew. (not needed)

I want the very best students. (redundant—best is best)

Mr. Simpson has been very eager to meet you. (there are no degrees of eagerness—redundant)

. . .in the very coldest part of winter. (redundant—coldest is coldest)

They were very hungry. (starving or famished are more specific, more effective)

During lunch she becomes very quiet. (redundant—quiet is quiet)

of

In my first novel a reader picked up on a habit I had of overusing “of” as in, “He emptied his pot of coffee.” I used my word processor’s search tool to hunt for “of” and found many that I could change to either a possessive or use an adjective, e.g., “He emptied his coffee pot.” This may seem mindlessly simple to you, but I found lots of places to tighten my narrative, which helped with pace and clarity.

eyes

This is an example of improper usage. Many writers use “eyes” when what they really mean is gaze, or glance, or stare. Some examples in which I take the usage to the next logical step:

Her eyes were on the floor. (Luckily, no one stepped on them.)

His blue eyes bored into her. (And then blood gushed from the two holes in her belly.)

She felt the woman’s eyes searching for her. (It tickled when they slid across her face.)

His tired eyes land on me as he glances around the room. (Then they drop to the floor and roll under the couch.)

My eyes follow the headlights. (I ignore the wrenching pain when they leave their sockets.)

Roger kept his eyes on the road. (He realized his mistake when the ice cream truck ran over them.)

Fire up your word processor, open your manuscript, launch the search tool, and type these weak, wasted, or wrong words in the Find what: box and go hunting for opportunities to make your narrative stronger and sharper.

For what it’s worth

Ray

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© 2011 Ray Rhamey

Comments

[Chro]

I always heard that searching for -ing verbs in your novel is a good way to trim, but I kept having problems trying to search for them. Searching for "-ing" not only brings up a lot of properly-used -ing verbs, but also other words that end with 'ing' such as sing, ring, thing, etc.

One thing that helped me was to instead perform a search using Word's wildcards. Searching for "was [a-z]{3}ing" will find all instances of 'was verbing' where the verb is three letters long. Then you can repeat the process with numbers up to about 10. Supposedly you should be able to use "was [a-z]{3,10}int" to get all of them, but I could never get that to work properly.

I also have to force myself not to use eyes in the manner you describe, but I sometimes find this rule a bit draconian. After all, who do you know who says "Keep your gaze/stare/glance/vision on the road!" instead of "Keep your eyes on the road!" Yes, taken literally, using eyes to depict where you're staring is wrong, but why are writers required to use eyes only in the literal sense when every reader knows exactly what they mean? Isn't that just cutting out variety in how we describe someone looking around?

[flibgibbet]

Not a fan of the -ings, although sometimes this (hopefully rare) construction works to break up sing-song. More often though, I read it as Yoda-speak.

My biggest pet peeve with the -ings, are when authors use them for non-simultaneous actions. Eg: Jumping from his chair, he answered the door bell. Yikers.

Totally agree with the "some", not in total agreement on the "very". I think there are degrees of eagerness, quietness, best, and that depends on context. IE, libary quiet, a night in the desert quiet, outer-space quiet. We humans are used to blocking out a lot of noise, and when those (familiar)background noises cease, we sometimes take notice.

"Best" can be relative as well when compared to the entire population. I can be one of the best, but in a pool of say one hundred, I'm 98th. The very best would be the top 5.

Without argument "very coldest" is redunant. It's the -est. "Very cold" would be fine, although freezing would be better.

As for "eyes", unless the image is unintentionally comical, I'm okay with subbing it for gaze, etc., because it's such a part of our vernacular.

There's still a great lesson to be learned here though, so thank you (very much) for sharing. When it comes to editing, these lessons in awareness are crucial. Both the macro and the micro can kill an otherwise good story.

[Aldrea Alien]

Hey Chro, thanks for the tip. :)