Phase 2 of the first-line contest: what’s your pick?

I’ve posted all the entries on this page. Below is a poll with what I felt were the top 10. I’ll ask for a vote in a moment, but first . . .

The winning kitty-cat scenario

For those of you just tuning in, contestants were asked which of the six kitty-cat scenarios in the free PDF sample they thought was the best hook. The sample PDF is here.

The votes on the scenarios came out this way:

5th place, 2 votes

Hairball eyed the tree’s towering height. It was an impossible climb. He was too small, too weak. But if he didn’t climb, Barfie would fall to her death.

4th place, 3 votes

Hairball wondered if Barfie’s spirit now rested on one of the puffy pillows in the sky, freed from her broken body. How would he face her mother after he’d sworn she would be safe?

2nd place, a tie with 5 votes each

Hairball raced across the clover, leaping honeybees, never taking his gaze from Barfie, praying that her grip would hold.

Barfie dug her claws into the branch, struggling to keep her balance. She dared not look down; her last glance at the dizzying height had almost sent her tumbling. Her ears caught a cracking sound…the branch was tearing away from the trunk.

And the winner, with 10 votes:

Hairball arched his back and hissed at the beast. It was three times his size, an alien species that crouched, poised to spring. There was no place to run. He extended his claws and braced himself. . .

These openings weren’t limited to just the first line as in the contest, although it’s interesting to look at them in that light. Would the votes change?

Vote for your favorite opening line in the top 10 from the first-line contest

Some might argue, correctly, that a novel, and its opening page, isn’t limited to just one line. So, one might ask, isn’t it unfair to judge by just the first line?

Yes and no. Yes, it’s not the only line there, and following sentences might just have great hook material.

But if you can make the very first line striking, memorable, and irresistible, why wouldn’t you want to do that? To those who entered the contest with opening lines that didn’t make the top ten, maybe that’s something to work on. Now, for your opinion.

Poll voting ends Tuesday at midnight Pacific time.

It will help me and the writers if you use the comment feature on the poll to say why that particular line worked best for you. Thanks for taking part.
On Wednesday, as promised, I’ll publish the results of the poll and my personal first choice on Wednesday, along with a flogging.

For what it’s worth.

Ray

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Your generosity helps defray the cost of hosting FtQ.

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Public floggings available. If I can post it here,

1. send 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter as an attachment (cutting and pasting and reformatting from an email is a time-consuming pain) and I'll critique the first couple of pages.
2. Please format your submission as specified at the front of this post.
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
4. And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
5. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
6. If you rewrite while you wait you turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

ARCHIVES

© 2009 Ray Rhamey

Comments

[B]

Hi.

Well, this is interesting.

Personally, I thought that

" 'I could smell Texas coming a hundred miles before we crossed the border.'

Posted by: minerva koenig "

was my fav. She also posted the same line again with more info, but THIS one had me really thinking about it. It was provocative.

IT seems that the chosen lines had a lot of action.

I may be the odd ball out, but I often look for a line that makes me curious, that intrigues me about the writing or introduces the character.

Really jam-packed lines that include the kitchen sink can wear me out.

But I am here to hear what you have to say.
I will be very curious to read the other comments and votes.

Since my own choice (Texas) was not included,
I will refrain from voting.

Best of luck to all.

[Christine H]

Mine wasn't listed, but I admit it was kind of lame for this kind of contest.

I picked Sniff. I like the voice and am curious as to whether this character is a human or something else, and if he has a perpetual cold or a big nose or...???? Not to mention what is in the dungeon.

[Christine H]

P.S. I have smelled Texas coming, as well. Not a nice smell.

[kathy]

I voted for Queen Bee. It had a fun quality to it and I was very curiouse as to why the character would have to kiss a pig!

[Darla]

I picked the dragon roar - simple and sure to spell trouble for a Alek quite soon.

Queen Bee was my second favorite - lots of character packed into a single line.

[Kami]

I voted for the faces in the windows. I wanted to know in what way were they painted. Were they rendered in oil, or was war paint applied to real faces, etc. Also, I liked the visuals, and it felt tense, haunting and creepy to me.

[Kami]

Oh, I forgot to mention, but I should because it was really close for me, second place for me is definitely the if I'd been a good child one.

[Christine H]

I should add that it was hard to pick between Sniff, the genie and the boy with the map.

The speculum one was way too graphic, IMO.

[bc]

Well, I am certainly interested in the perspectives of this blog and Ray and think I have much to learn about, so thank you.

However, much of the published literary fiction and other fiction I am mostly interested in would never have made the "first line"grade here.

So, I am wondering, that if I need editing advice, maybe this isn't the place for some kinds of -less fast paced- materials...

It seems more a place for action packed, (or sensatinal -grab your attention or shocking) –stream-lined, tv-ready kinds of fiction.

[Ray Rhamey]

bc, this blog focuses on storytelling, no matter what the genre. And I have to disagree with your categorizing the work here as "action-packed (or sensational grab-your-attention or shocking) streamlined, tv-ready kinds of fiction.

For example, two of the opening lines that I liked a lot were:

If I had been a good child, none of this would have happened.

I see them now in mirrors, on darkened windows, in waking dreams---all the faces I have painted.

I would argue that those could be (and may be) opening lines of literary novels.