The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Jump-start Your Novel with Kitty-cats in Action. I’m going to rest my flogging arm today and for the holidays, and will return to that cruel practice next Monday. Meanwhile, maybe this will be a little bit of writing fun for you.
What follows is an example I created to illustrate building tension
through story questions from the very beginning of a story. But I’m
going to leave off part of the last line and. . .well, you’ll see.
Here’s the excerpt:
Perhaps my list (of 6 vital story ingredients) should have started with story questions, for without them there would be no tension. You create story questions with information that forces a reader to wonder what will happen next (by information I mean action or dialogue in a scene). For example, how about this for the very first sentence you encounter in a novel?
The spider crept onto Judy's bare neck.
Your knowledge of spiders raises instant questions: Will it bite Judy? Is it poisonous? Is it deadly? What will happen if she's bitten? Will she feel the spider and avoid the bite? What's going to happen next?!
Let's add a little more information and see what happens to the story questions.
The black widow spider crept onto Judy's bare neck.
Uh-oh. Now you know it's poisonous, and its bite has more serious consequences—the stakes have been raised, the story question is intensified, and the tension mounts. And now you “see” the spider more clearly—it’s black! Is that enough tension? Enough story questions? Maybe, but we can do better.
The black widow spider crept onto Judy's bare neck. She stirred in her sleep.
She's asleep? Ohmygod! New story question: will she wake up in time to deal with the spider? Once more:
The black widow spider crept onto Judy's bare neck. She stirred in her sleep. A second black widow crawled onto her naked skin.
New story questions (and tension): How many black widows are there? Where is she that there are so many? What will happen next?! And we did this with only three sentences. Just for fun, what if this comes next?
Judy opened her eyes just as the first spider crawled onto her cheek. She looked down to see what tickled, and . . . (snip)
Okay, your turn. How would you end that last sentence in a way that adds yet another story question? Tell me with a Comment. When I return on Monday, I’ll show you how I finished the sentence with a twist that I think multiplied the tension and “compel factor” already created.
Have fun. And have a great Thanksgiving.
For what it's worth,
Ray
Donations go to the cost of hosting FtQ.
Public floggings available. If I can post it here,
- send 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter as an attachment (cutting and pasting and reformatting from an email is a time-consuming pain) and I'll critique the first couple of pages.
- Please format your submission as specified at the front of this post.
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
- And, optionally, permission to use it as an example in a book if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait you turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
© 2008 Ray Rhamey
Judy opened her eyes just as the first spider crawled onto her cheek. She looked down to see what tickled, and upon seeing the deadly arachnid wondered whether she was awake, or still dreaming. A quick glimpse at what was left of her arm provided the answer. In her dreams Judy was free from the consequences of her clandestine past.
Posted by: Scott | November 26, 2008 at 08:12 AM
Ooh, I'll play:
Judy opened her eyes just as the first spider crawled onto her cheek. She looked down to see what tickled, and said, "I told you guys not to wake me up before noon."
Okay, that kind of kills the tension, but it does add a story question.
Posted by: Sheila | November 26, 2008 at 09:20 AM
She looked down to see what tickled and saw a masked face staring at her from the foot of her bed.
Posted by: Dan Smith | November 26, 2008 at 01:21 PM
...looked at the spider, which had stopped two inches from her lashes. As she stared into its reddish eyes, she realized she was no longer on the ground under the tree, where she'd fallen asleep. She slowly shifted focus until she could see she was lying the middle of an enormous spiderweb, which was suspended high in the tree.
Posted by: mai | November 26, 2008 at 02:02 PM
Judy opened her eyes just as the first spider crawled onto her cheek and stopped at her eye, tapping a glossy foot on her eyelid.
Posted by: H. L. Le Roy | November 26, 2008 at 04:32 PM
The black widow spider crept onto Judy's bare neck. She stirred in her sleep. A second black widow crawled onto her naked skin. Judy opened her eyes just as the first spider crawled onto her cheek. She looked down to see what tickled and watched a red hourglass belly drag over her eyelashes.
"Call off your girlfriends," Judy told the woman draped in shadows by the door. "I'm awake."
Posted by: Pam | November 27, 2008 at 09:35 AM
Judy opened her eyes just as the first spider crawled onto her cheek. She looked down to see what tickled, and with a smile said, "Good morning my babies".
Posted by: kathy | November 28, 2008 at 06:27 AM
Judy opened her eyes just as the first spider crawled onto her cheek. She looked down to see what tickled, then opened her mouth and let it crawl inside. Most delicious, they were getting tastier every morning.
Posted by: Kevin | December 01, 2008 at 08:55 AM
Can I just add, I love the 'Don't wake me up before noon' version - that made me laugh out loud. I also really like the 'Call of your girlfriends' one, great dialogue and image of the woman in the doorway, makes me want to know more straight away.
Posted by: Kevin | December 01, 2008 at 09:00 AM
Thanks, Kevin, and I totally agree about Sheila's line: "I told you guys not to wake me up before noon." She slayed me with that one.
Posted by: Pam | December 01, 2008 at 01:52 PM