Voice, querying, and the first 5 pages

I missed posting on my regular day, Wednesday, because I was up early preparing to send the most recent novel to an agent who requested a full after reading my email query. It turned out to be significant that I included the first 5 pages in the query.

I thought I'd share that query with you, and then something about what this particular agent looks for in a sample of the first 5 pages and why she asks for them. This leads to why you should perhaps look for agents that do accept samples versus those who don't.

The query doesn't follow the "hook" pattern that Miss Snark talks about in her Crapometer, but as she would be the first to tell you, it's not conforming to a pattern that matters, it's whatever works. She's also a proponent of sending the first 5 pages with a query. If you read her blog, you know she says, over and over, "It's all about the writing."

First, here's the query email:

Subject: novel query

Dear Agent

Cutting to the chase: DEATH SUCKS: ON BEING A VAMPIRE KITTY-CAT is definitely paranormal. It is also satire, and humor.

It's a vampire novel for people who don't like vampire novels.

It's a novel for all cat lovers. I believe the audience is broader than a strict genre category.

DEATH SUCKS: ON BEING A VAMPIRE KITTY-CAT begins this way:

Just after dark, death grabbed me by the ass. Literally. The moon was out, cool September breezes were scented with hints that fall was coming, and I was trotting over a mound of fresh earth, not an uncommon thing in a graveyard, my mind on a svelte little Siamese over on 15th Street who was coming into heat. A hand shot up out of the dirt and grabbed my hind legs.

The narrator is PATCH, a calico tomcat who is plunged into the vampire underground of Bloomburg, Illinois. As Patch says about two-thirds of the way through his story, when he's trapped in a basement and the owner is coming to get him with a shotgun,

Give me a break. I mean, in the last couple of days I'd had my blood sucked out of me, been turned into a vampire, nearly crunched a couple of times by a seven-foot undead guy, almost skewered with a wooden stake by a Fundamentalist mob, came inches from having my tail cut off, was nearly fried by the sun, been kidnapped twice, and tried for murder. Oh, yeah, and almost turned into a politician.

And Patch is far from done with an adventure that lets him -- and you -- in on what it's really like to be a vampire in contemporary America.

I'd be pleased to send you the 63,000-word manuscript -- I can mail a hard copy, or email a Word doc, or hire a skywriter, or you could just click on this link to an instantly available PDF: http://www.urlforpdf.pdf.

The first 5 pages are below.

About me:
* Litblogger: Flogging the Quill, top-10 Publishers Marketplace blog on the craft of storytelling
* Day job: editor/writer, Washington State University main website
* Freelance editor of fiction (editorrr.com)

Many thanks for your time and consideration.

All best,

And then the first five pages were pasted into the email, which is the agent's preference. A couple of days later I received a request for the full manuscript. It may not succeed with her, but at least it got through the door. By the way, including a link to a PDF file of the complete manuscript is an idea I got after e-talking with Miss Snark about how most agents review material. Other than the first 5 pages and a full, she says many agents read electronic files. So I thought, why not make one readily available?

After the request, I Googled the agent. In a discussion thread about her on WritersNet, I learned why she requests 5 pages, and it turns out to be the same reason agents who accept samples are at the top of my list. A writer sent this agent an absolutely horrible query letter that she would have rejected outright -- except the writer also included the first 5 pages, which charmed the agent. She requested the ms and ended up representing it.

I also found something from her on one of her client's blogs about what she looks for in the first 5 pages.

"Every manuscript I take on is distinctive in its own right, but all of them have one thing in common: an engaging narrative voice. By this I mean a writing style that pulls me in and makes me feel like I'm a part of the story and the characters' lives. Unfortunately, this is very hard to explain and it's obviously even harder to accomplish. I think that authors, being the wonderful lovers of language that they are, sometimes forget that the primary purpose of writing is communication. Too often I see manuscripts in which the prose is too self-conscious, chock full of symbolism and SAT-type vocabulary. Tell your story, tell it well, and your distinctive narrative voice should blossom naturally. So, an engaging narrative voice is vital. I also like it when I'm introduced to compelling characters, protagonists that are sympathetic yet complex. Another thing I look for is high line tension, best described as the ability to create enough of a question in the reader's mind to keep them turning the pages. Clichés, bad grammar, too many adjectives, and awkward prose are all turn-offs."

This gave me instant insight into why she responded to my query; if nothing else, my kitty-cat reeks of voice.

By the way, I sent this same query to 11 agents just a few days ago, and it's generated 1 request for the full and 5 rejections -- it's working great. Great because the one agent for whom it's right instantly recognized that, and for the ones for whom it is wrong also instantly knew that. I think they appreciated that. In fact, because of the writing one very nice agent recommended me another agent who might like it. Of course I had that query zapping through the ether in minutes.

Wish me luck.

Questions, anyone?

If anyone has a question on the craft of storytelling or writing for effect, please ask. It helps me to think about all aspects of writing, and some writers tell me that the answers help them. So please ask, either in an email or in a comment.

For what it's worth,

Ray

Public floggings available. If I can post it here, send 1st chapter or prologue as an attachment and I'll critique the first couple of pages.

ARCHIVES .

© 2007 Ray Rhamey

Comments

[eugenia]

Good luck, Ray. Crossing my fingers for you!

[mai]

That's a great letter -- your authentic, direct voice as effective with me as it's being with agents. I wish you the very best of luck.

[Colleen Gareau]

Wow! This is great. My fingers are crossed for you.

I am now, however, completely confused about the query process. I have followed Miss Snark's advice to "FOLLOW THE DAMN INSTRUCTIONS" or words to that effect by carefully doing exactly what each agent requests on his/her site. Is this still the route to go, or is it acceptable to (after researching the agent) make a guess as to what might work for him/her regardless of the instructions found on their websites? Also, while I agree that including an address where the agent can locate your work is helpful, easy, etc., I have read to never include this. Are you sensing that this "rule" might be softening soemwhat?

[Nienke]

Forget the dang query letter, I want to read the book! Yes, I even tried the fake URL.

[Kathleen Bolton]

You had me at "skywriting".

Good luck, Ray!

[Kammy]

Awesome letter, Ray! I want to read the book! I wish you the best of luck.

[Kathy]

Oops. ALL calico cats are female! It's a genetic thing.

[Ray Rhamey]

Not so, according to Wikipedia and other sources. About 1 out of 3000 calico cats are born male--but they are sterile. Patch, my vampire kitty-cat, doesn't thing this is a disadvantage.

Ray

[Rockett]

Can't wait to see it in the bookstore. My neighbor will SUCK this up!!