I haven't done reviews here on FtQ, mostly because I haven't thought of it as that kind of a blog. But a publishing company has begun sending me ARCs of their books. I'm sure they just created a list of litblogs and are shotgunning in hopes of reviews. If they'd visited FtQ, I don't think they would logically have chosen it to receive books.
On the other hand, say I, why not review a book from a story editor's point of view? Since they sent it to me, I figure I can assume that they knew the nature of this blog and that it's fair game. The first book they sent was a memoir, an area that I'm not particularly interested in reading nor exceptionally qualified to judge, other than as a reader. But this month they sent a novel. So here's FtQ's first review.
By the Time You Read This, by Giles Blunt, to be published February 2007.
As any good critique should, I'll start with the positive stuff. Having read By the Time You Read This
(enjoyed it over a weekend), I was glad I had. It's a mystery, but
character-driven, and I liked that. I have recommended the book to a
mystery-reader friend.
Blunt does something well that I have to work on in my own writing
The writing was, for the most part, first-rate
However, I did have a bone to pick about the way the novel opens. Here it is:
Nothing bad could ever happen on Madonna Road. It curls around the western shore of a small lake just outside Algonquin Bay, Ontario, providing a pine scented refuge for affluent families with young children, yuppies fond of canoes and kayaks, and an artful population of chipmunks chased by galumphing dogs. It's the kind of spot
-- tranquil, shady, and secluded-- that appears to offer an exemption from tragedy and sorrow.Detective John Cardinal and his wife, Catherine, lived in the smallest house on Madonna Road, but even that tiny place would have been beyond their means were it not for the fact that, being situated across the road from the water, they owned neither an inch of beach nor so much as a millimeter of lake frontage. On weekends Cardinal spent most of his time down in the basement breathing smells of sawdust, paint, and Minwax, carpentry affording him a sense of creativity and control that did not tend to flourish in the squad room.
But even when he was not woodworking, he loved to be in his tiny house, enveloped in the serenity of the lakeshore. It was autumn now, early October, the quietest time of the year. The motorboats and Sea-Doos had been hauled away, and the snowmobiles were not yet blasting their way across ice and snow.
Autumn in Algonquin Bay was the season that redeemed the other three. Colors of scarlet and rust, ocher and gold swarmed across the hills, the sky turned an alarming blue, and you cold almost forget the sweat-drenched summer, the bug festival that was spring, the pitiless razor of winter. Trout Lake was preternaturally still, black onyx amid fire. Even having grown up here (when he took it completely for granted), and now having lived in Algonquin Bar again for the past dozen years, Cardinal was never quite prepared for how beautiful it was in the fall. This time of year, he liked to spend every spare minute at home. On this particular evening he had made the fifteen-minute drive from work, even though he only had an hour, affording him exactly thirty minutes at the dinner table before he had to head back.
This opening
Yes, the first paragraph did foreshadow doom, but then the author left it hanging for a long, long time. I've been wondering why this author "got away" with a tranquil opening to a mystery. Perhaps because he's an award-winning, published author with several successful novels under his belt? Who am I to argue with his accomplishments? And his editor, being familiar with his work, would surely be willing to breeze through a few pages of not-so-compelling narrative because he/she knew the author would deliver the goods. And he does.
But you and I, I still believe, need to sink in as many hooks and open as many story questions as soon as possible. In By the Time You Read This, I thought there was a much more gripping opening on page 10, where Detective Cardinal is summoned to a crime scene where a woman lies dead. Here it is, with a tiny modification to make the continuity make sense:
The body was just beyond the Dumpster behind the apartment building, face down, dressed in a tan fall coat with leather at the cuffs.
The young cop said, "Probably the super'll be able to give us an ID."
"Her ID's in the car," Cardinal said.
The young cop looked around. There were two cars parked along the side of the building. "I don't get it," he said. "You know which car is hers?"
But Cardinal did not appear to be listening. The young cop watched in astonishment as Sergeant John Cardinal
-- star player on the CID team, veteran of the city's highest-profile cases, legendary for his meticulous approach to crime scenes-- went down on his knees in the pool of blood and cradled the shattered woman in his arms.
The woman, we learn, is his wife. For this reader, that's a provocative opening. In my view, much of the previous ten pages were either not needed or could have been woven into the narrative that followed the above scene.
There were writerly nits I would have noted as an editor. Too many uses of participles (the "she was sitting" formulation) rather than stronger, past-tense verbs for my taste. But it wasn't egregious.
Another technique Blunt used was to slip out of his character's close point of view to a more omniscient pov right in the middle of a scene. It may be that his approach would never bother a "normal" reader, but it jarred me whenever it happened. I may be too sensitized to that kind of thing, though. However, I would have suggested that he avoid it, as it did take me out of the story, briefly breaking the bond I had with the character.
Here's an example. A character is watching a scene of himself and another person on a television. We know we're close in the character's pov because the narrative tells us that seeing the scene will cheer him up. Then, as he watches the scene, this author inserts this:
The Character on the TV is all patience and understanding. The one in the office made masturbating motions in the air.
Clearly that's not from within the character's point of view. The story is no longer looking out of the character's eyes but the author's, standing several feet away. I believe it distances the reader emotionally from the character when a narrative takes this turn. And the action could have been done from within the character's pov. For example, a quick pass at a way to do that:
Character watched himself embody patience and understanding. He made masturbating motions in the air.
Perhaps because I'm also a novelist, I spotted the very first clue to who dunnit the second it was planted. Blunt did include a well-done red herring, but I was convinced that it was a false lead from the start.
One other "soft spot," for me, was when he had a character act below her level of intelligence
All in all, By the Time You Read This is a good read. We writer types can get several extra things out of it:
- Good storytelling (after the lazy opening is out of the way)
- Excellent characterization (though I wished the antagonist had been a more sympathetic character in some aspect)
- A chance to see good writing that works very well, including a
few places it maybe doesn't (keeping in mind how subjective reading is).
If you read By the Time You Read This, let me hear from you.
And please let me know if you'd like to see more reviews like this one.
For what it's worth,
Ray
Free edit. Email a sample for an edit that I can post here.
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© 2006 Ray Rhamey
I've not read it yet but found your take on it very informative and would like to see you do more.
Posted by: Steve Clackson | February 05, 2007 at 11:34 PM
Ray: I love your blog and your critiques. On this particular one, I have a different perspective from the one your offer. I enjoy this type of lead. It creates an impression of the protagonist that gives rise to more nuanced emotion (IMO) when the conflict/event occurs later on in the story. I realize that I'm not an agent or editor looking for the hook, but as a consumer who might pick this book off a shelf and flip to the first page to get a sense of the writing, this would not turn me off. Thanks for your wonderful site.
Posted by: Colleen | March 17, 2007 at 08:09 AM
Good blog... thanks for public here
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