The writer's inner life

We writers are all the same, alone in the darks of our minds. And we're all very different in how we deal with that, and with the result. Being alone that way, we wonder if other writers are like us. If our experience is the norm, or weird, or. . .

What's your inner writing life like? We talk about craft, and we grow in that respect through shared knowledge, experience, failures and successes. But what's happing inside your skull. For example, how do you feel about first drafts?

Thou vomitous mss

I know novelists who think their first draft is vomit. I guess I can understand reasons for feeling that way, but I'm lucky -- I think my stuff is good as soon as it comes out of the box. I love it.

While that feels good, it does create a problem. If I thought of it as vomit, then any criticism that could make it better would be welcome. But what do you do about stuff you think is good? In my case, I've had to learn to tuck my own opinion way back and down deep and try to open my mind to the possibility of not-good.

I love the feeling when the whole thing is DONE, and I all I have left to do is a little polishing.

Yeah, right.

But, still. . .I remember, vividly, the rush I felt when I finished reading, for the first time, the first draft of my first novel as a whole and seeing that it was good. It was the real thing. Wow. And that rush, well. . .

Writing is sexy

When I was a scriptwriter and story editor with an animation studio in L.A., I had a great afternoon one particular day, writing hilarious comedic scenes. It was really good stuff, and I knew it -- I was laughing as I typed. When I reached a stopping point, I couldn't sit still. I had to walk. And, as I paced, I realized that I was, in a just-perceivable way, aroused. Nothing physical, but there was that sensation. . .

I paced my way into a writer buddy's office and asked him about it, and he agreed. He'd also had the experience that there was, sometimes, a sensual/sexual aspect to writing when you felt inspired. Sort of a creative orgasm. I've had that experience since.

What about you?

About that first novel that gave me such a rush -- it's been boiled down to its skeleton and then reborn through a gazillion rewrites. As Mr. Vonnegut says, "So it goes."

Keeping it going

One of the things I've had luck with is not getting down about rejections, either of a query by an agent or a manuscript by an editor. The reason is that I spend time imagining success. I sometimes find myself listening to All Things Considered on NPR and imagine myself being interviewed there about my book. And on Jon Stewart's Daily Show. And Good Morning America. And . . . well, you get it.

Foolish? Not if there's balance. My approach is to expect defeat and plan for success. The good thing about this is that if you expect defeat that only means that your writing life goes on pretty much as it has. But to plan for success, you have to imagine being successful. Whether it's interviews on NPR or buying a cabin deep in a forest and becoming a hermit, you have to imagine it. That's fun. And energizing. Carrots work a lot better than sticks.

Obsessive

My son was home from college on spring break, and a treat was that his Ultimate Frisbee team had a tournament nearby. We hosted the team, and went to the tournament. Great fun. Afterward, my son told me about how they would get together and talk Frisbee for hours and hours. Drawing up plays. Creating strategies. His team invented a variation on zone defense that drives opponents nuts. It's their obsession.

And writing is mine. The WIP is always with me. Simmering in a pot on a back burner. Popping up with a scene or line of dialogue when I'm driving or walking. I watch television in the evening with my laptop open on my lap, ready to go over recently written stuff during commercial breaks and boring spots.

Not only is thinking about it compulsive, but so is the need to finish it. I guess it has to be that way. Who in their right mind would decide that it's a good thing to sit down and write 80,000 words that tell a story, and to sweat over rewrites and polishing?

You and me, that's who. This week I finished a novel that I've been working on for close to three years. I even set it aside for about nine months when I felt the need (compulsion?) to rewrite another novel after input from an agent. Yet the story stayed with me, and even grew and enriched itself during fallow periods. Obsessive. Compulsive. Necessary.

What about you? Share your experience with me on these facets of the inner life, or others.

For what it's worth.

Ray

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© 2006 Ray Rhamey

Comments

[Lisa]

Yes--writing is definitely my obsession. I work on my writing every day. Sometimes that means working on the WIP, other times background research, reading/writing/critiquing poetry (my other obsession), working on writing exercises. Anything and everything that will help me hone this craft.

[Eliza]

At the end of January I finished my first full-length "real" novel's first draft...with a flourish. I called my husband, I told him the happy news, we celebrated on the phone, and then we went out to our favorite burger joint for some of the world's greatest bacony burgers and I kept saying, "I wrote a book. I wrote a book...Hey, Mr. Waiter Sir! I wrote a book!"

It was so cool.

It was five years in the making, that first draft. So I took the next few days off. They were grand. I had written a book!

My elation began to fade after my husband read it and very gingerly suggested that it wasn't one book. To him, it was at least two, maybe three, because there was so much "interesting stuff in it that needed elaboration" and other bits that needed more time and explanation.

This was followed by a half-week of shock. Because I knew he was right, and I didn't want to have to work any more on it.

As I read it all the way through, before doing hard edits, my heart sunk further. I thought about abandoning it. There was a decent story there, but the execution was poor. I wouldn't let any friends speak of it. I didn't want to think about it. Who was I to think I could write a novel, huh?

I ended up taking some time off of writing. Instead, I read. I read historical fiction and fiction from that era (as it's set in the 1900's). I read blogs (I was happy to find you and Miss Snark and this whole literary network). I started reading the free version of Publisher's Lunch. And I built up my steam again, and came to terms with what was in store: the rewrite.

So that's where I am. I've done non-fiction before, I've done drama before, but nothing has been as personal as novel writing. I'm sure there are still ups and downs to go, and once I finally come to rest with the ms, I know there will be the rejections and the anticipation and all that...stuff.

In short, there was elation, then shock, then fear, then depression, then denial, and now I'm at determined. Kind of like the steps of bereavement, only all mixed up and lots more of them.

[Jeri]

The first read-through of a first draft is my favorite part of the whole process. I'm usually too dazzled by the story to notice many flaws at that point.

Even though I enjoy revising, each subsequent draft provides progressively less joy. I think a ms isn't good enough for submission/publication until I absolutely hate it.

[Lady M]

I'm like you - the first draft - I'm usually very happy with.

I write a page and check for errors - then move on.

I don't like looking at it again. It's gone from my mind and the mystery - the passion has passed that moment.

However as a crafter, I edit till my eyes are tired and go back and re-read the story.

I would prefer to just write - and have somehow ---- a magical mystery editor that went behind and cleaned up behind me. Fixing the spelling errors or typos - or just the proper English format.

Sigh --- I can dream... Right?