Case study: a radical storyectomy

Okay, here's a wrap-up of the input I received on the first four chapters of my novel, We the Enemy (they are posted here).

• Matt didn't see how I could put chapter 1 later in the book (because of how it set up the story), but was hooked by Jake's story in chapter 2.
• Kate felt I needed chapter 1, thought it framed the story -- but was too long. She wasn't all that enamored with Jake in chapter 2. Didn't see much action or tension there, either.
• Robin sorta thought the story should start with chapter 1 but, when she glanced at the first two chapters as if she were in a bookstore, chapter 2 grabbed her better.
• Anonymous said to switch 'em -- chapter 2, she felt, started immediately with a conflict and threw the reader straight into the action.
• Diana said drop 1 altogether, that 2 hooked her immediately and set a scene.
• Sandra noted that chapter 1 was set-up, with no escalating tension. Chapter 2 introduced Jake, but not in a positive way. Chapter 3 was more set-up, and she wondered whose novel it was because there had been 4 points of view. Chapter 4 was where the drama was.
  

Backstory: the novel originally started with what had become chapter 4. Some critiquers had wanted more on Jake earlier, so I moved the dream sequence up to start the novel, hoping to suggest a man in pain. Then I worked with an assistant agent at a top literary agency who was interested in the novel but gave editorial input on what he felt were shortcomings, and chapter 1 was born, as well as other new material throughout the book. He was a great help…but one thing I wouldn't do was a change he wanted in Jake's character, so the agent and I never got together.

The resulting novel was better, and strong enough to land my agent. But something kept nagging at me. It wasn't right. And Sandra pinpointed the problem: no escalating tension in chapter 1. Where's the beef? Wasn't any.

More than that, I realized that I was starting the novel with plot…but what interests me, and what I think the novel is really about, is the two protagonists -- Jake and Jewel.

So how did I deal with all of the above?

• I cut chapter 1…but the meat of the rose-garden scene is in chapter 6.
• Chapter 2 is cut…but the dream sequence shows up in the opening of chapter 6, and the tv story about road tag appears in chapter 11.
• Chapter 3 is now chapter 2.
• Chapter 4 (remember, the original opening of the novel) is now chapter 1, but it starts with the last paragraphs of old chapter 2 -- where Jake wakes and prepares for a meeting. You know who this novel is about after reading the new chapter 1, too, because it brings Jake and Jewel together and promises further involvement.
  

This was a serious storyectomy. But it was not only easy to do, thanks the freeing insights of readers, especially Sandra, it was fun. I still have all that nice writing and work that were in the original draft, still doing the storytelling that needs to be done. I haven't lost anything, and now the novel starts with a chapter that definitely has escalating tension.

Sidebar: Kate, who generously gave me thoughtful input, also asked me to do a sample edit of her novel's opening chapter. She had very nice writing, requiring a light editing touch, but her first chapter had the same problem -- no escalating tension. I advised her to start the novel with a wonderful dramatic scene that occurred in her chapter 2 and then add in the material in chapter 1 later. She decided that we couldn't work together because I didn't share her view of the story and she feared that I would stifle her "voice." Actually, I wouldn't have touched what I understand to be her voice, and most of the material would still have been in the novel, just in a different place. I hope she checks out the revision and see how a storyectomy can work.

All in all, a very satisfying experience for me. Now I'll see what my agent thinks. The manuscript is on the desks of editors at Farrar, Straus & Giroux and Atrium and I wonder if I can talk my agent into resubmitting the revised manuscript. That would be, apparently, contrary to standard operating procedure. But I think it's worth the effort.

If you're interested in the outcome, you can find the "new" first 4 chapters here. Because the first 4 chapters in this version include 2 complete chapters of new story, those who read the original version will find that this one takes you much deeper into the story much more quickly. These chapters, by the way, are the equivalent of 30 manuscript pages.

If you check out the rewrite, I'd appreciate your thoughts. This has been instructional for me, and I hope it has for you. And maybe I learned something about myself as a writer -- to trust my instincts for launching a story with momentum and tension. Set-up, I've learned, isn't hard to weave in later. A ripping good start, however, is a lot harder to come up with.

Thanks for the help, both past and future.

Ray

Free edit in exchange for posting permission. You send a sample that you have questions about and of which you'd like an edit. I won't post it without your permission.

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© 2005 Ray Rhamey