"Please don't do that," he articulated."What?" she interrogated.
Okay, perhaps that's a touch broad. But how many times have you seen dialogue tags like the following…
Melissa turned to Irving. "Why don't you zip up your pants?" she asked.He shrugged. "Air conditioning," he replied.
What's with "she asked" and "he replied"? A question was clearly asked and a reply clearly uttered and the reader damn well knows what they were. Yet "she asked" and the ever-popular "he replied" clog thousands of pages like bad verbal cholesterol.
When it comes to dialogue tags, a couple of clichés should be applied:
1. Less is more.
2. KISS -- Keep It Simple, Stupid
Tags can tangle dialogue and slow its pace; their absence can smooth and accelerate it. Rarely is there a need for a dialogue tag other than "said." Even with a question. For example, there's no need to use "asked" or "interrogated" or "queried" if you write:
Farnsworth said, "Where do you think the monster has hidden?"
The reader understands that Farnsworth has asked a question. That's what question marks are for. To add tonality, use description and action, and remove the "said." For example,
Farnsworth's voice came from under the couch in a whispery hiss that ended with a sob. "Where do you think the monster has hidden?"
To illustrate minimalizing dialogue tags in a scene, here's an excerpt from a novel of mine, We the Enemy*. In the scene Marion Smith-Taylor, the U.S. Attorney General, is calling her office from out of town. See what you think, tag-wise.
Marion checks her watch. Time enough for one last hail-Mary call -- she fishes her cell phone from her purse and auto-dials her office.Suzanne Fisher answers. "Ms. Smith-Taylor's office, how may I help you?"
Marion pictures Suzanne, not in one of her office outfits but in her pale blue robe, blond hair tousled, fair cheeks flushed. If Marion had her druthers, Suzanne would be helping her to a tumbler of Scotch -- but that will have to wait until she's home. "Hi, it's me."
"I was just thinking about you."
That's one of the things Marion loves about Suzanne -- no coy games, she just says how she feels. "Me, too. Listen, they're about to get here. Have you got anything on Joe Donovan?"
"No word."
"Damn." She's been praying her missing agents would report in so she could go into this meeting with good information. "If you hear from them in the next hour, call." After that, she's stuck.
"I will."
Marion hopes she'll have a little luck on the other front that gives her sleepless nights, Oregon's constitution-busting new statute. Way under her radar, the so-called "Allies" in Oregon had gotten over 150,000 signatures on a "Truth for Justice" initiative -- twice what they needed. Oregon voted it into law and now its courts were forcing people to testify against themselves despite the protections of the Fifth Amendment.
Marion says, "Connect me with Tiffany, okay?" If anybody can figure out a way to quash the Oregon law, it's the Justice Department's top legal researcher.
"Will you be back in time tomorrow for a quiet little supper at Angelo's?"
A candlelight dinner with Suzanne at their favorite restaurant sounds perfect -- if only she was there now. "Should be. Make a reservation, eightish?"
Marion hears the smile in Suzanne's voice. "See you there. I'll get Tiffany for you now."
Pacing, Marion gazes out a grimy window. A pigeon lands on the ledge and stares back at her. A husky voice comes from the phone. "Tiffany Horowitz."
"Marion here, Tiffany." She resumes her pacing. "How are you doing on that crazy Truth for Justice statute?"
Thirteen speeches from three different characters and one dialogue tag.
Enough said?
Email me with an example, published or unpublished, of something that peeves you or you have a question about, and I'll level a beady eye at it. If it's from your own work, tell me if I can post it or if you want a "private reading."
* We the Enemy is represented by TriadaUS.
hey thanks for the excellent tagless convo above. i have really been trying to do that! dublin (from romance divas)
Posted by: dublin | February 07, 2006 at 08:35 PM